Just a week after losing little Pip, we lost another recent arrival, blind Sparky.
I had mentioned in his introductory blog post that we suspected he had hip dysplasia because of the way he walked with his hind legs. Our primary care vet thought at the time that it was from lack of muscle tone, since Sparky had been tied up most of his life and was also emaciated when he came. I mentioned then that Sparky was in constant motion, always cruising the dog yard and rarely resting. We thought that might have something to do with spending his life tied up, too. He was also incontinent, both with pee and poop, though yet again we initially attributed this to simply having been an outside dog, tied up and forced to live in his own waste, so he had become used to going whenever he had the urge.
But as the weeks wore on and we finally began getting some weight on him, his hips seemed to deteriorate. At times he seemed fine, but other times he didn't have a normal gait in his hindquarters.
Then, in recent days, he suddenly took another turn for the worse -- he began dropping his hindquarters to the ground, yet he continued to try and keep moving. Then he began crossing his front legs over as he walked. And if he stopped moving, he'd sink over to the right. That's when we realized this was something far beyond a hip issue, and was neurological.
On Friday, Alayne took Sparky to see our internal medicine specialist, Dr. Tanya Donovan, at Burlington Emergency and Veterinary Specialists. That's when we learned Sparky had both a brain tumor and lumbosacral disease. What we thought originally was hip dysplasia was in fact his lumbosacral disease, which that write-up says "is often confused with arthritis of the hips as the signs may appear similar." It also explained his incontinence.
Tanya said the brain tumor was causing the forelimb involvement, the general weakness in gait, his sinking to the right, as well as his need to be in constant motion. She said it's a perverse but often classic feature of brain tumors to cause an animal to keep moving, even if physically they can barely do so. All the signs we were seeing were consistent with an advanced brain tumor, Tanya said. We could try some medical management, but it would buy us at most a few days. In another week, Tanya told Alayne, we would probably begin seeing Sparky start having seizures.
We've been through two brain tumors -- blind Pepper in 2008 and blind Callie in 2010 -- and these never end well. Although radiation therapy gained us an additional 18 months with Callie, for nearly a year of that she wasn't her normal self. The treatment had taken a real toll on her, and the tumor came back anyway.
With Sparky suffering from both a brain tumor and spinal disease, we decided to let him go and not put him through any more. Tanya euthanized him Friday afternoon while Alayne held his head in her hands.
Like so many of these dogs who come to us, life had been so unfair to this boy. Here Sparky had a miserable life, finally found his way to a safe and loving place, and dies less than three months later.
He was such a sweet boy, too. On Friday morning Kate and I had been grooming him before putting him in the truck, and he was licking both her and me as we brushed him. He really had become very affectionate.
My favorite memory of Sparky was from a couple of weeks ago, when I saw him rolling in the green grass in the dog yard, stretched out on his back, front paws up by his face. He rolled and rolled and rolled. It was the happiest I'd ever seen him. At least we were able to give him that.
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Because of you...Sparky died knowing he was worthy of love and that is the best gift you could give to any dog. I know how hard it is to let go of an animal you have only known a short time but nevertheless loved and fought for, God bless you guys!
Posted by: Deb Ryan | July 26, 2012 at 03:54 PM
R.I.P. Sparky. He came to RDF from hell and he is now in heaven where all animals deserve to go. Thank you for the time he had with you. These last three months were the only happy days of his life. May those who hurt him suffer for their sins.
Posted by: John J. Keogh | July 26, 2012 at 06:26 AM
I am so glad you were there for that precious dog, if only for a brief time to show him unconditional love. There is nothing on this earth better than to love and be loved. I am so sorry for the anguish of his loss, but hope you take comfort in knowing that you brought him real joy. Cherish the memory of him rolling in the grass. My heart and appreciation goes out to you both for all you do.
Posted by: Kathy Miller | July 26, 2012 at 01:37 AM
I am so sorry for your loss. Life just really stinks sometimes, doesn't it. But he knew love at the end. And he had someone with him who loved him and held him and gave him a dignified ending. There are no words for how I feel about the work you do. RIP Sparky. We'll see you on the other side.
Posted by: Amanda Petrie | July 25, 2012 at 05:28 PM
I'm in constant awe of how you so consistently go through the circle of life with the animals. They truly are blessed to have the Farm to provide them a better life, for however long they are able to enjoy it. I'm so sorry for the number of losses you've had lately.
Posted by: Ashley | July 23, 2012 at 09:55 AM
My tears are rolling down as I write this. I am so deeply sorry for your recent losses, both Pip and Sparky. They both knew heaven on earth while they were with you. I hope in my next life I come back as one of your dogs!
My heart is grieving for you. God Bless for all you have done for both of them and continue to do for all the other animals.
Love and Hugs.
Shirley Parr
Four Winds Farm Sanctuary
Posted by: Shirley Parr | July 21, 2012 at 01:24 PM
I'm so sorry for your losses. But I imagine one day with you two makes up for a lifetime of unpleasant living. Thank you for blessing Sparky with your kindness and love.
Posted by: Michele | July 20, 2012 at 07:42 PM
I am so sorry to hear this news. If it's true that dogs live in the moment, then he had 3 good months with both of you at the farm. And I believe those three good months helped to overshadow the abuse he had suffered in the past. Again, my heart and prayers go out to you.
Posted by: Ruth | July 18, 2012 at 05:46 PM
How lucky he was to have enough food, touch, and other creature comforts at the end of his life. He was especially lucky to have someone paying enough attention to him to realize something was going terribly wrong. I'm so sorry you had to go through this again so soon.
Posted by: Linda P. | July 17, 2012 at 08:47 PM
Sending you both hugs from Kentucky. Such a sad week but I agree with everyone...that they both had the happiest times of their lives at Rolling Dog Farm. Thank you for giving them that!
Posted by: Carolyn Kupferschmid | July 17, 2012 at 10:37 AM
Soooo sorry to hear about your recent loss. Even though Sparky was with you for such a short time, he knew love, compassion and freedom at the end. Thank you for giving him a great end to life.
Posted by: Nina | July 17, 2012 at 07:33 AM
Mr. and Mrs. Smith,
I am so sorry to hear about the lost of Sparky. I really enjoyed reading your blogs and each loss effected me in some way.
I have a strong belief that Sparky is right now watching over you. I believe that Pip is with him and all the many animals that you have lost over the years. I have a strong testimony of the atfterlife. I KNOW without a doubt that they are happy and they are watching over you.
I am certain that when you pass on; that you will have a HUGE, amazing reunion. I can just imagine all the animals that you have loved, healthy strong and thanking you for all that you have done for them. Thanking you for the love you have given them. You will see them again. I know it.
I don't know your belief system and for all I know is that you might not even belief in a god. But, I hope that my words will bring you and your wife some degree of comfort.
Posted by: Christy | July 16, 2012 at 08:12 PM
OMG! I'm so sad about these recent losses. But you gave them the best lives they could ever imagine..although so short.
I honestly don't know how you guys do it emotionally. I get all teary when I read these posts. Thank god there are people in the world like you who are making such a HUGE difference in the lives of furry kids everywhere. God Bless You Both!!!
Posted by: Penny | July 16, 2012 at 06:52 PM
Life was so unfair to Sparky, but I think your last few sentences sums the situation up so well when he was so happy rolling in the grass and you said you were able to give him that. That is a warm thought. The end was good for him. I am sorry for another loss for you guys as you work so hard to keep these dogs going and safe .
Posted by: Vicki | July 16, 2012 at 05:26 PM
I'm so sorry, this is heartbreaking. It's so hard for you to have to deal with all these losses one after the other. And it's so unfair that Sparky couldn't have much more time to enjoy his new life. But you pointed out the key thing: at least his last months were very happy. He was unlucky with his first home, but so very lucky in his final one. I read a quote once: "Saving one dog won't change the world, but it will change the world for that one dog." This is exactly what you did for Sparky. You changed his world and the last part of his life was very, very good.
Posted by: Tonya Allen | July 16, 2012 at 04:41 PM
It's not fair that Sparky had to spend most of his life tied up to a trailer. But in the end, he got to see and experience a place where he was truly treasured. Sparky got to roll in the grass and be truly joyful. Bless you for all that you do to help animals like Sparky finally see how wonderful life can be.
My thoughts are with you.
Posted by: Peggy | July 16, 2012 at 04:27 PM
Well damn. He may have had a short time with you, but I have no doubt that time was filled with more love and affection than he had ever seen or felt before. Thank goodness he learned what it really felt like to be loved. Thank you for all that you do.
Posted by: Rhonda | July 16, 2012 at 03:40 PM
Wow, it's not been a good few weeks for you guys. I'm really sorry to hear about Sparky. Sparky ended up in a great place with you all, and dogs being the live in the moment creatures they are, was sent off with love and affection. I wish that for all creatures.
Posted by: Lisa Lashaway | July 16, 2012 at 02:32 PM
Your love and support to Sparky is priceless. I think the shorter the time that they have with you makes it almost even more important... if that's possible, and of course so terribly hard for you and Alayne.
I am so touched by Sparky's sweet spirit showing through as he finally got the chance to show it. I'm so very, very sorry for your loss :( Thank you so much for being there.
Posted by: Margaret | July 16, 2012 at 02:16 PM
I am crying for both of you. It must be very hard to go through this again so soon after Pip. Sparky was truly lucky to have found a safe place for love, human contact, and freedom. He knew he was in a safe place and wouldn't have to die alone.
Thanks to you both!
Posted by: Dee in KY | July 16, 2012 at 02:00 PM
I second what Carla Polastro-Nigro wrote. My thoughts are with you all.
Posted by: Lynne Parker | July 16, 2012 at 01:24 PM
Oh my Gosh..to lose another so soon..you didn't even have time to fully grief for the others ones!! My heart goes out to you and I ditto all the other comments!! As always, you two are the best!!
Posted by: Laura, Levi & Timmy | July 16, 2012 at 12:44 PM
I am so happy that he had even this amount of time with you all...thank you for giving him that.
Posted by: Teri | July 16, 2012 at 12:30 PM
As hard as these are for us to read, we know the impact of each loss is far greater and painful for you guys. Our love and condolences for the loss of dear Sparky. Once again, such a sad life story, but one that overall, ended well in a loving home. Thanks for all you do.
Posted by: Lisa K. - San Diego | July 16, 2012 at 12:00 PM
Although Sparky had so many physical challenges, it is the image of him rolling in the grass with pure joy that I will remember.
Thank you for telling us about that. I think that is one of the memories he has too...and how he came to a magic place in New Hampshire where all was love.
Posted by: Chloe | July 16, 2012 at 11:05 AM
We really wish we could give you both a huge hug!!! We only got to have our little Milli Diablo for 5 months and during that time she literally blossomed and soaked up every bit of love she could. Knowing she was becoming so happy gives us some comfort and we hope your memory of Sparky rolling in the grass that day does the same for you.
Posted by: Colleen & Wes | July 16, 2012 at 11:03 AM
So very sorry about Pip and Sparky, its evident in the writings how hard this is for you. Know that you brought them both some joy and peace in their "twilight" time. I am sure they are romping at the rainbow bridge...and gazing at each other going "you look like that????" :) love to you all for the great work you do.
Posted by: melanie | July 16, 2012 at 10:54 AM
Sparky was certainly a beautiful little dog that was finally gifted with a loving, safe life at RDF. His last hours were being groomed by "Dad" and "Sweet Kate" and held in "Mom's" arms as he passed over. You had the courage to not prolong his ordeal. God Bless your hearts for all the loss you have so recently suffered.
Much Love,
Roo, Genie Bee, Emma Sioux, Bella, Blue, Cheesecake, and Their Lucky Mom, Kathleen
Posted by: Kathleen Rivard | July 16, 2012 at 10:53 AM
I feel like I am repeating all the previous comments, but you do so much even if it is for such a short time. You allow them things they would have never known, like being a dog.
I adopted from a rescue, a toy fox terrier, and he is/was a biter. He would have been PTS for that reason, it took 3 years before he would roll in the grass or lay down. It does good things to my heart seeing those little actions that other animals do naturally.
I look forward to reading what is happening at your farm good or sad. I laugh with all their cute antics and I cry along with you and everyone else who reads your blogs.
Thank you for that and for everything you both do for the animals.
Posted by: Shawn in Washington State | July 16, 2012 at 10:51 AM
I'm so sorry for your recent losses, Steve and Alyane. It is never easy. Sending you healing thoughts.
Posted by: Barbara Techel | July 16, 2012 at 10:48 AM
More tears from me... to add to yours and your readers'.....I am just again....so very very sorry to hear about dear Sparky....as always...I must add...you were 'all' fortunate to have each other in your lives for what ever period it was to be...God Bless you all...xox Valerie.
Posted by: Valerie | July 16, 2012 at 10:45 AM
He didn't die alone, in the dirt on a chain. I weep thinking of all that do.
You and Kate grooming him before he left for his appointment is so typical of RDF's level of care. Thank you.
Posted by: Lynn (in Louisiana) | July 16, 2012 at 10:40 AM
You guys are my heros!!!! THANKS FOR EVERYTHING YOU DO!!!!
Posted by: toni ezell | July 16, 2012 at 10:31 AM
You allowed Sparky to have most probably the happiest 3 months of his life. You enabled him not to have to die in pain tied to a post in a back yard. You & Alayne are truly angels God has sent all of these animals to care for if even for a short length of time.
Posted by: Kathy Hertzel | July 16, 2012 at 10:19 AM
EVEN IF THEY ARE ONLY WITH YOU FOR A SHORT PERIOD OF TIME, THEY KNOW LOVE & HAPPINESS FOR PROBABLY THE FIRST TIME IN THEIR LIVES. THAT IS BY FAR THE BEST YOU CAN GIVE THEM. THINKING OF YOU BOTH.
Posted by: FELICIA | July 16, 2012 at 10:09 AM
For you these losses are great and heart wrenching. But, as many others have said, Look at what you gave to each of these little souls before they each left the earth...love, freedom, caring, companionship and respect. Thank you for enduring all the heartache to give each of your little friends the chance for a calm respite for the end of their lives. It is so much more than many get. Thank you, and know my heart aches for all your losses.
Posted by: Anne in FL | July 16, 2012 at 09:59 AM
Rest in Peace Sparky. The best time of your life was at the farm.
Posted by: Clay Hickman | July 16, 2012 at 09:56 AM
Indeed, you two and Rolling Dog Farm gave this handsome little boy the best that life has to offer - genuine love and care. So sorry for your loss - but glad that at least for a while, Sparky felt this. He made it to the goal post of love because of you.
Posted by: Angela | July 16, 2012 at 09:54 AM
It is so very hard to bear the loss of our companions. The heart hurts. Your sancuary gives rest and comfort to weary animal souls. My heart and thoughts are with you as you go through the seventh loss this year. I'm not sure how you keep going...
Posted by: Fay | July 16, 2012 at 08:52 AM
Ditto what Connie stated so eloquently. Sweet little Pip needed an extra cohort to romp with and Sparky volunteered. Thank you, truly, for the wonderful lives you have given so many wounded creatures.
Posted by: Mary H./Washington state | July 16, 2012 at 07:41 AM
"At least we were able to give him that." At least? You showed him love and respect for the first time in his life, so that he could finally and blissfully roll over and over and over again, with complete abandon, in the soft, sweet-smelling grass of New Hampshire.
In the final three months of his life, Sparky was finally allowed to know love, good food, cuddles, comfortable spots to sleep or to just enjoy the sunshine.
In my opinion, you gave Sparky a wonderful new world to live in, even if it was for such a short time.
My heart,once again, goes out to you, Alayne & Steve. I'm so very sorry you had to endure yet another loss, and so soon after Pip's passing.:-(°°°
Posted by: Carla Polastro-Nigro | July 16, 2012 at 06:08 AM
Yet another soul going from "pre-heaven" (I like that!) to the real thing...
What you cannot make up for them in time, I sure feel that the completeness of the love they share with you is bigger than all the circumstances previously. Even if the animal is 'only' on her/his way to you and isn't able to reach the destination, a difference has been made that MATTERS. The biggest souls sometimes stay the shortest time and still it is enough...(although I'd wish them more!)
Posted by: Jessica, NL | July 16, 2012 at 02:21 AM
I'm sorry to hear of the loss of Sparky. Such sad news.
Even though the time was too short, thank you for making the 3 months he was with you the best time of his life where he had freedom, care and most of all, love.
Posted by: Ann | July 16, 2012 at 02:16 AM
I'm so glad he ended the last part of his life happy with people caring for and loving him. You are in my prayers.
Posted by: Tricia Taylor | July 15, 2012 at 11:41 PM
Thankful at least he knew kindness at the end, though it seems so unfair. Rest in peace, little one
Posted by: KARLA | July 15, 2012 at 11:24 PM
Sparky at long last had found love with you. As do all the animals who come to your farm. I know that with each loss it makes your heart break a little more. But thankfully you go on, take in more creatures that no one else would seem to want, and give them peace. Even if it's only for a short time.
Posted by: Betsy | July 15, 2012 at 10:31 PM
Not again! I am so sorry. But again, so thankful that you were there for Sparky at the end and that he finally felt, and knew, what love is. Thank you (again) for your sacrifice and your love for these precious ones.
Posted by: Alisa | July 15, 2012 at 10:20 PM
I so agree with all the blog comments and ditto Connie's comment. It is sad. I do have comfort knowing Sparky was LOVED,AND HAD THE BEST CARE of his life the last 3 months. Not all dogs have that unfortunately. Thank you A MILLION TIMES RDF for what you do. Steve and Alayne you have our UPMOST RESPECT AND ADMIRATION.
Posted by: Shirley * James/Portland, OR | July 15, 2012 at 09:05 PM
So sad. I'm so sorry for your loss.
Sparky had love and wonderful care. And the understanding ACO in Vermont knew that Sparky deserved the best home and that was RDF.
You take these creatures, often times at their very worst, and you give them a loving home, the best medical care possible, and companions and space to be themselves. There's just no better way I can imagine to end my life, whether it's two months or two years.
Sparky rolling in the grass, untethered and enjoying the moment to the very ultimate degree, is the best kind of memory possible.
Hugs to everyone there.
Posted by: Janet in Cambridge | July 15, 2012 at 08:49 PM
I don't know how you do it. So many losses this hear. It seems your place is a staging ground for doggy heaven. A sort of Pre-heaven for dogs. They get to learn how wonderful life can be, and then their life is done.
No matter what your spiritual beliefs, I know you will be rewarded in the next life. You do such hard work for so many wonderful beings. Thank you.
Posted by: Diane Borden, Chehalis, WA | July 15, 2012 at 08:43 PM