Yesterday we had to let Bo, one of our blind Appaloosas, go to the big green pastures in the sky. In the past two months he had suddenly started losing weight dramatically, and blood work showed his kidney and liver values were screwed up. A follow-up urinalysis revealed ketones, meaning he was now using up his own body fat reserves. Clearly, something else was competing for the nutrition he was getting -- and winning. Our equine vet, Dr. Steve Levine, sent Bo's test results to an internal medicine specialist at New England Equine Medical and Surgical Center in southern New Hampshire for consultation. The medical consensus was that he most likely had a tumor of some sort, though based on the lab work we didn't know specifically what kind. Whatever it was, it was aggressive.
The problems quickly mounted. His immune system became suppressed, his skin and hair deteriorated (flies took advantage of that situation and would cling to him no matter how much fly spray we applied, even while leaving the other horses alone), and -- alarmingly -- we could actually hear his bones creak when he turned his neck or walked. Alayne described him as "brittle," which was probably the most apt way to put it.
After weeks of trying to turn things around, we sadly realized it was time to let him go, and yesterday morning Dr. Levine came out to euthanize him. Our neighbor and friend, Jim D., had already come over with his excavator to dig a grave.
In the photo above, you can see just how thin Bo was, with his ribs sticking out. Kate walked Bo's girlfriend blind Rosie out to keep him company right up until the end.
In this photo Dr. Levine is beginning to inject the euthanasia solution while I hold Bo:
Bo always loved gobbling the apples that fell from the trees around the horse paddocks, so I scooped up a few before we set out for the gravesite and gave him some as a final treat just before Dr. Levine began the procedure. I'd like to think that Bo's very last sensation was the taste of those apples in his mouth.
In a ritual that our equine vet in Montana, Dr. Erin Taylor, had encouraged us to adopt, after Bo died we brought Rosie over to be close to him and sniff his body. Erin believed, and we think she's right, that it helps bring closure for these animals who become bonded with one another. Rather than wonder why Bo suddenly disappeared and never came back, Rosie could smell his prone body and know that he was gone:
Earlier, just before that shot, Rosie had been gently running her muzzle over Bo's ribs, gently nibbling at his hair and feeling his body. Then she raised her head and sniffed and sniffed some more. In all, maybe only a minute or two elapsed, but I could tell she knew he had died ... and she was ready to move on. We had noticed in the past week that she was responding to him, and treating him, differently, and we figured she must have known something was very wrong with him.
Kate and I walked Rosie back down to the horse paddocks and turned her out with blind Bridger and blind Nikki. She found them, put her head down, and settled in to graze.
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So sorry to hear of your loss. I am late in writting, Ive recently had neck surgery, and recovering not as quickly as I would like, but you guys sure keep me going. Will say prayers for all of you, and its good to be back
Posted by: Kathy and Harley | September 28, 2011 at 08:38 PM
Just came across this now. The love and compassion all of you show for these companions is beyond words - even in death. God bless you for the kindness you give to all of His creatures.
Posted by: Ruth | August 16, 2011 at 06:50 PM
This story truly embodies the depths of animal love and human kindness. Your blog is what keeps my life in perspective. I don't get to read it every day, but when I do I laugh and cry through every story until I've read them all. Thank you so very much for all you do, and also for sharing these poignant moments with us. God bless Bo and Rosie; Steve and Alayne. :-)
Posted by: Lisa | August 12, 2011 at 01:48 AM
Godspeed Bo. We know that you're now a healthy spirit that lives on in those that deeply loved you. I hope someone will be as good to me when my time on earth is done, as Steve, Alayne and Kate were to you.
Special hugs of sympathy,
ginger, Tobias & Tlingit
Posted by: ginger young | August 08, 2011 at 07:35 AM
Thanks Rolling Dog Folks for taking in Bo in. You are such caring, kind people and your animals are lucky to have found their way to you. Chuck & I delivered Bo to you and were glad to be part of his rescue from being saved from being given to a Big Cat Rescue as food for the cats.
Posted by: Miriam | August 07, 2011 at 03:15 PM
I continue to be impressed with how well thought out and caring everything you do is.
Thank you.
Posted by: adele | August 07, 2011 at 07:29 AM
I am so so sorry for your loss. Last year we had to put down our beloved Labrador, Cookie. It broke my heart. To think of you two going through this time and time again just amazes me. You are so good to these animals and you are such special people.
Posted by: Betsy | August 06, 2011 at 04:06 PM
I echo many of the previous comments. We have all had to make such decisions and it is always so hard, but it is wonderful to be able to give our beloved animals a peaceful departure. Thank you for the wonderful years Bo had at the farm.
Posted by: Vicki | August 06, 2011 at 12:20 PM
God Bless Bo! Your trip to Rainbow Bridge is blessed with the wonderful & caring way you were led there.
Thank you Steve & Alayne for the way you love & care for all your animals & for trying so diligently to try & help but when you can't knowing when to let them go. It's hard to make that decision but they need our strength in these times, as you well know.
Posted by: MsFitzTX | August 06, 2011 at 01:28 AM
I can't really add anything to whats already been said. Everyone has said it so tenderly and lovingly. You did a lovely thing having his pal come and spend time with him, figuring it out and saying her good-byes too. You guys are the best. Sorry for your loss as I know they all hurt.
Posted by: Lisa K. - San Diego | August 05, 2011 at 10:22 PM
I am so horribly sorry about your loss; he appeared to have been a very loving horse, seeing as he left what really amounts to a wife. I laud your decision to have her be present at the end; when an animal simply disappears, the result goes beyond anxiety. A neighbor cat, Nori, went into some sort of PTSD when her husband, Ramsey, died of AIDS last September. I always wish there could have been some way of explaining to her what was going on.
Believe me: his wife appreciated the thought.
Posted by: Alex | August 05, 2011 at 10:01 PM
oh gosh this made me cry! how thoughtful of you to give Bo a few bites of apple before you let him go. it just shows how in-tune you guys are with your animals! not a better more peaceful ending.
Posted by: Kate & Luke | August 05, 2011 at 09:19 PM
Thank you all for what you have done for Bo - and Rosie. I won't write here about the feelings that crossed my heart while reading... but i want to tell you about an idea that crossed my mind after reading about Bo's "nap": Why don't you plant an apple tree right on his resting place? It would be "Bo's private apple treee" - even though i'm pretty sure he will allow the other ones to enjoy the fruits in the near future...
RIP, Bo! Enjoy all the green fields above, which now you are able to see!
With love from Brazil
Posted by: Carlos Campos | August 05, 2011 at 09:04 PM
The amount of care and love is so evident in your writing. I am sorry your family and Rosie have lost Bo...he's galloping in the sky now, and his life was all the better for hs life at Rolling Dog Ranch. peace to you all.
Posted by: melanie | August 05, 2011 at 04:53 PM
God bless beautiful Bo as he goes to the Bridge. THANK YOU Steve and Alayne for taking such good care of this guy and knowing when it was time to let him go.
Posted by: Lisa Cepluch | August 05, 2011 at 04:53 PM
Thank you for giving Bo a life he deserved. And thank you for giving Rosie both a chance to say goodbye as well as an explanation. No one should have someone they love/care about just disappear one day. RIP sweet Bo.
Posted by: Ellie R | August 05, 2011 at 04:32 PM
RIP Bo.. you lived the final part of your life with love and dignity. I am very touched at the way you treat these animals in their last hours Steve and Alayne.. you two are true angels!
Posted by: Maree in NZ | August 05, 2011 at 04:13 PM
Thank you for taking care of Bo since you got him. Thank you for helping him at the end. That is sweet about Rosie. Sad to have to put Bo to sleep but well done for his last days. Thank you for sharing his story.
Phyllis
Posted by: Phyllis Snow | August 05, 2011 at 03:36 PM
Alayne, Steve, and Rosie,
I can't express any better than anyone else, but want you to know our hearts are with you all as well. So very sorry for your loss, and totally admire your thoughtful kindness to the last second.
I have always struggled with how to "tell" my other dog... and how much more thoughtful to include them. Thank you for showing us the way.
Posted by: Margaret | August 05, 2011 at 03:02 PM
I was so sorry to read of your loss of Bo. But what a gentle and loving way for him to depart. I love that you gave his girlfriend the time to say good-by. I wish I would have thought of that when I've had to take one dog to the vet for the last time while the other stayed home. You are such dear, loving people and I weep with you.
Posted by: Janet | August 05, 2011 at 01:38 PM
It is so difficult to decide when to help a pet cross over the Rainbow Bridge. You provided Bo the love, dignity, and comfort as you helped him. May his memory be a source of comfort. When it was time to let my keeshond go, I stopped for an ice cream for him to help ease his way. It was dignified and peaceful. I was glad I stayed to comfort him.
Posted by: Margaret S | August 05, 2011 at 01:27 PM
Years ago I had a horse who died unexpectedly in our pasture. When I walked out to the pasture, the sight that greeted me was my horse on the ground and our pony nibbling and tugging on his mane and nuzzling his neck. Now I understand. Thank you for your very difficult, informative post, Steve. Those of us with more than one animal have learned a lot from you.
My husband and I had the good fortune to visit you in Montana several years ago, and we met Bo (and Rosie too, I believe). All of your animals are so fortunate to be in your care. Thank you so much for all you do for them.
Posted by: Chris | August 05, 2011 at 12:52 PM
The very first post I ever read on your blog was titled "Waiting for Scout". I cried while reading the story of how your mule, Roy, who was best friends with the horse Scout, stood by Scout's stall for over 24 hours waiting for his friend to come back from the Vet. Scout had had to be put down and didn't return with you and poor Roy missed his friend. I never knew equine had this capacity. You have taught me so much Steve. I look forward to shaking your hand one day.
Rest in peace dear Bo. It was a pleasure to have met you through the RDF blog.
Posted by: Lynn (in Louisiana) | August 05, 2011 at 12:36 PM
Condolences on the loss of Bo and for your strength in making a very difficult decision. I hope Rosie finds comfort in the other horses.
Posted by: Mircat | August 05, 2011 at 11:59 AM
Good Morning...my heart is just breaking right now....I am just so very very sorry for your loss of dear Bo.....oh my goodness...how very fortunate you were to have eachother to love...God Bless you all. Most sincerely, Valerie.
Posted by: Valerie | August 05, 2011 at 11:45 AM
I'm so sorry for your loss. Bo had a good life with you and I'm sure was very happy there at the Farm. Hopefully Rosie will find and bond with a new friend there. Or maybe a new one yet to come to the sanctuary.
Posted by: Barb Ribinski | August 05, 2011 at 11:33 AM
Godspeed, Bo. I'm sorry for your loss, Steve and Alayne (and Rosie).
Posted by: Dawn | August 05, 2011 at 11:18 AM
What a beautiful story about sending sweet Bo to the "pasture in the sky" as you put it. RIP beautiful Bo. I am so sorry for your loss but appreciate the beautiful peace and dignity you provided for Bo and your tenderness with Rosie during the process. Your constant hard work and care are most inspiring!!
Posted by: Angela | August 05, 2011 at 11:09 AM
I am so very sorry for your loss. You were so wise to handle the end the way you did, with the apples and with Rosie near. This brought back to me the loss we had in March of a dear friend, our boarder's horse, that was so hard to witness. We miss him every single day and so I can appreciate what you are going through. Again, thank you for those of us with Blind horses, for opening up your hearts and homes to these wonderful creatures.
Posted by: Mick in Minn. | August 05, 2011 at 10:57 AM
You two are incredible. As I sit here in tears over Bo and the beautiful photo of Bo and Rosie, you are there living it. Thank you for all that you do for these deserving animals.
Posted by: Jane Broshears | August 05, 2011 at 10:21 AM
Bye bye Bo. Your life at the Farm was the best times of your life.
Posted by: Clay Hickman | August 05, 2011 at 10:16 AM
I had to put my K.C. dog down about two and a year and a half ago. She fell asleep for the last time in my lap chomping on doggie treats. Not that I will ever forget, Bo's story brought that day back. I had had to put my Dusty kitty down just the year before. I was able to bring her little body home wrapped in her favorite blanket and a basket. We buried her, basket and all, in our yard, where now a beautiful memorial garden is a work in progress. I hope Bo finds my little paw kids. They will have fun together. Oh, and K.C. loved apples.
Posted by: Marta Betts | August 05, 2011 at 10:12 AM
I am so very sorry for the loss of Bo. Last March I was there for a friend when she had to put her disabled horse to sleep... it was one of the most difficult things I ever witnessed. Not only was he disabled physically, he feared all people... it was quite sad. My friend tried to help him, but in the end, realized it was time to let him go. It was hard to see a horse go down, but the peace I saw on his face when he passed gave me, as well as my friend, great comfort.
Posted by: Barbara Techel | August 05, 2011 at 10:01 AM
Steve and Alayne, Having had to have my lovely cat Lily put down a few years ago, I know how hard it is to say goodbye, even when you know it's for the best. You gave a Bo a wonderful life, taking care of him to the end. And I appreciated especially your interest that Rosie understood what happened. With 3 cats, that is something I will remember when the sad time comes. All my thoughts are with you.
Posted by: Peggy | August 05, 2011 at 09:58 AM
Dear Alayne and Steve--We're so sorry about your loss of Bo. With loving thoughts from Nancy and Ladybug in SC
Posted by: Nancy Longfield | August 05, 2011 at 08:54 AM
Dear Rosie, Alayne and Steve,
We are so sorry for your loss of dear Bo. We are sending you prayers and loving thoughts for your hearts.
Thank you for your sweet and loving care of this beautiful soul.
Run free in your celestial abode Bo!! You are deeply loved.
Posted by: Chloe | August 05, 2011 at 08:41 AM
If only all of us could spend our final moments with those who love us and with a special treat like you were able to provide to Bo. Having Rosie with him, I am sure, kept him peaceful.
Posted by: Kathy Hertzel | August 05, 2011 at 08:36 AM
Thank you so much for sharing this. How thoughtful of you to feed Bo the apples. It made my heart swell. And, how good that Rosie was able to share in the experience. This has made me rethink my dogs when they pass. The dogs left behind never know why one of them has suddenly gone and not returned. My dogs still at home mourn. Next time I will consider them participating. I am sure my vet would approve. Thanks for taking such great care of the animals. Following your blogs, it has made me consider that my next dog might have a disability but will definitely be a rescue.
Posted by: Dee | August 05, 2011 at 07:55 AM
It is always so sad to let one go, even when the body is too ill to go on...the meadow in the sky will be lined with apple trees for Bo. Do you have a 'waiting list' of horses too, or only for dogs? I hope with your other website and information people will keep their blinds horses themselves more, as they can look after ;-) themselves so well.
Recently I had to let go of a handicapped kitten, totally by surprise with a check-up at the vet that I thought would be fine. It has been a month now (ah, today! actually) but I am still so very sorry that I did not think of taking her home for just a few hours -she was in no pain- to properly say goodbye. Instead I came home with her body in the carrier and a broken heart...
Posted by: Jessica, NL | August 05, 2011 at 06:18 AM
Probably 40 years ago now, I read in one of James Herriot's books the story where he takes the dogs down to the lower garden to see that their pony friend has died.
Ever since then, we have brought our animals back to the house from the vet so that the others can see, smell and understand that their friend is gone. Each has their own reaction and acceptance with the body. And, if possible, like you, we give our dogs or cats a special little food treat so that it is one of their last memories before they die.
Reading about Bo and Rosie's time together before and after he was gone was very touching and sweet. Thank you for sharing this with us.
Posted by: Diana Essert | August 05, 2011 at 04:29 AM
I'm so sorry for the loss of Bo. You and Alayne gave him a wonderful life here on earth at RDF and a loving, gentle journey to the next life at the Rainbow Bridge.
Just reading about you giving him the apples and having his girlfriend Rosie there with him throughout brought tears to my eyes. What you do for these wonderful animals is the epitome of what the definition of love is. Godspeed, Bo!
Posted by: Ann | August 05, 2011 at 03:25 AM
May the earth be light upon you, sweet Bo! Hope you've found lots of apples to eat, on the other side...
I'm so sorry for your loss, Alayne & Steve.
I wish humans were able to move on so easily after we lose someone dear (I still miss them all)...
A huge hug from Italy to you all, especially to Rosie.
Posted by: Carla Polastro-Nigro | August 05, 2011 at 03:15 AM
This brought tears to my eyes, for I have had to put down two dogs and though years have passed...I am sure it never gets easy. Thankfully you have learned ways to help their animal friends cope with their loss.
Posted by: android developers | August 05, 2011 at 03:06 AM
Bo passed with loads of love, tenderness and dignity. Thank you for your big and caring hearts.
Posted by: Leila - Western Washington | August 05, 2011 at 02:45 AM
I'm so sorry about the loss of Bo. You're in my thoughts.
Posted by: Tricia Taylor | August 04, 2011 at 11:36 PM
I am so very sorry for your loss. Thank you for handling this very sad time for sweetly for all involved and letting Rosie say her goodbyes. My thought are with you all.
Diane
Posted by: Diane McCornack | August 04, 2011 at 11:13 PM
I'm so sorry.... but I just love that you let Rosie "know". That in itself speaks volumes. You are such kind, caring people. Thank you for all you do.
Posted by: Kenna | August 04, 2011 at 09:48 PM
I'm so sorry for your loss of Bo. Thank you for giving him a great life and a humane death.
Posted by: Blind Horse | August 04, 2011 at 09:38 PM
Oh Steve, so very sorry. I love that you let Rosie confirm that he was gone. I've always hated that my cat Holly went in for surgery and never came home. I worry that her brother's take on that is sometime you can get taken away and never come home. Godspeed Bo!
Posted by: Valerie Miller | August 04, 2011 at 09:05 PM
Bless you both for the work you do - nothing makes this easier, but we all know that you fight the good fight, but also know when to set them free. Thank you for sharing your good times and bad times with us.
Posted by: JOD | August 04, 2011 at 09:01 PM