The Twine Of Our Times

This post is probably going to get me in big trouble.  But let's take a brief break from animals and discuss a subject that is always entertaining if occasionally dangerous to bring up:  gender differences.  Now, before anyone suggests when reading this post that I might be sexist, please know that I truly believe the world would be a better place if it were run by women.  Absolutely.  Men have had their hand on the proverbial wheel for several thousand years and -- would anyone dispute this? --  usually make a grand mess of things.  I suspect the world would be much improved if men were confined to the useful trades while women ran the show. 

But there is one difference between the sexes where women just don't do as well as men:  They don't pick up their twine after opening bales of hay.  That's right.

Now, I'll admit I haven't run a double-blind scientific peer-reviewed study comparing 1,000 women and 1,000 men, with observers watching through two-way mirrors to see who is and who isn't picking up their twine.  But in my limited experience with the 9 or so women who have worked here over the years and the one guy (that would be me), I can quite authoritatively say that in general, women don't pick up their twine and men do.  Why this is I don't know, but my 9-to-1 sample is pretty convincing.  Alas, even my (much) better half is a frequent no-picker-upper.  And unfortunately, now that she is the sole remaining woman here opening bales of twine, if there's bale twine lying about, I have a pretty good hunch who left it there.  (I have never fallen for the line that "Smudge the barn cat pulled the twine out of the trash can and carried it back to the hay to play with.")

I have, in years past, been accused by various women here of being a crank on this subject (what?!?).  You see, the superior gender believes it's better to cut the bale open, feed out the hay, and then go back to get the twine later.  Except ... they don't.  They move on.  They forget.  They leave it to the one solitary guy to pick up their twine for them. 

Once I stood in front of three women (two employees and the better half) in Lena's Barn one afternoon a few years ago, clutching an arm-load of baling twine I had picked up, and asked who was leaving the twine behind.  They all stared at each other, each insisting that she picked up her twine as she went.  Of course none of them were picking up their twine.  (You should have heard the muttering behind me as I left the barn that afternoon.  Oh, goodness me.)  The most common answer I get from the fairer sex, when I'm pointing to twine lying on the ground, is: "Well ... (long pause) ... well ... (staring at feet) ... I was going to go back and pick it up when I finished feeding."

Hmm.

This is what usually happens ... twine cut and left on hay: 

This next one is better, because the twine was actually removed from the bale and balled up as if to stuff in a pocket but then, inexplicably, left on the ground:

Oh, well.  At least points were awarded for balling it up.

Sometimes the twine makes it all the way into the barn but not into the trash can:

Trash can was full, apparently.  Or maybe Smudge the barn cat ... oh, never mind.

Of course, if the trash can is full or one isn't available, there's really only one acceptable place for twine:

Yep, that's a self-portrait, in case you were wondering.  I mean, who else would have twine in their pocket, eh? 

[The better half points out that "twine" and "whine" rhyme.  As if they were meant to go together.]

Perhaps, if women should indeed be running the world, it is only fitting that men are left to pick up their twine. 

UPDATE:  After reading this post, Alayne says I will live to see another day.  Though she's not sure why.

---

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Comments

[Diane Borden]

Oh dear, I kinda knew it wouldn't be long before those annoying little irritations would come out in the blog. After all, you're only human(meaning MALE), stuck out in the middle of nowhere, with only all those four-legged beings to listen to your complaints about the OTHER human. Well, hope you got it out of your system, if not, perhaps you need a volunteer therapist to visit occassionally to debrief the twine violations!

[Mark]

Steve...are you 'twining'?
Great post!

[Linda]

Steve, with all do respect, picking up the twine is your "useful trade" and therefore is YOUR job as a man. You are uniquely qualified for this task. And since Alayne is the only woman left standing, your recent photos are clearly meant to show the twine SHE left behind. Thus, you are a DEAD man.

Cheers to you both... and your twine!

[diana kitchen]

Steve, I think one person in the barn is programmed to pick up the twine. I have two young girls boarding their horse at my barn and they never pick up the twine. I am always picking it up and stuffing it in my pocket so I know where you are coming from. I consider bending down to pick it up good exercise for a 62 yr. old woman.

[oregon25]

Steve, In 25 + years I always pickup the twine! I am female and am well aware that doing the pickup later is a real job!

[Janet in Cambridge]

I have a friend whose aunt saved "little pieces of string too short to use" in a drawer. Yes, they were labeled thusly. Now *that's* scary.

Steve is just a nicely compulsive neat-freak. I like that in a person.

[Gena]

Oooooh Steve honey, are you ever in T-R-O-U-B-L-E now!!!

I'm chuckling - I'm sure Alayne will think of a way to help you understand the significance of this post...... LOL.

How was the cat house last night??? :-)

[Sarah M- Lincoln]

Steve, I think one question can answer who is the superior (smarter) sex: WHO picks up the twine in the end?

Maybe Alayne and the other ladies aren't forgetful or lazy, they just know you will get around to picking it up!

[Lynn (in Louisiana)]

I sure enjoy these little glimpses into y'all's habits, temperments, likes and dislikes. It makes me feel as though I know you better!

[Penny Heinrich]

Steve... do you pick up your socks and put them in the hamper? LOL. Just checking. Maybe the twine is being left behind so that birds can pick it up and make nests.... although I realize that it is the dead of winter right now!

[Colleen & Sweet Kitty Erin]

If any woman is forgetting to pick it up I'm sure it's because she has 150 million other tasks to do that day to the sole male in this study, 50 million tasks. And, the reason Alayne is keeping you around after this post is because....Who will pick up the twine after the barn cats have exhausted themselves from playing with it???

And, yes, by golly, woman should rule this world!

[Jill in PA]

Like Janet I am a compulsive cleaner when it comes to the barn (not so with the house). The sad part is that I've never had one of my own! All of the barns I've had a horse in (be it one of mine or one that I've been fortunate to ride) were left neat and tidy upon my departure. And yes, I picked up and neatly balled up the twine BEFORE throwing it in the trash (I am also one of those people that neatly unwraps presents and then folds the wrapping paper before putting it in the trash, drives my husband crazy). Great post, I sympathize with you and your twine issue.

[Consuelo Larrabee]

Flexibility & a sense of humor will see you through almost any situation..even marriage, even twine. Your writing is deliciously funny.

[Christine Baltazar]

HA! Thank you for a good morning chuckle, Steve! I leave my socks lying around and I get the same shpeal from my husband. LOL Socks.....twine......you know how it is. HA HA :)

[Elssa]

Female and a blue twine hater, I pick up shreds of it that blow into our pasture from who-knows-where. Maybe it's because I'm color-blind and can't see other stuff in the grass. I do love your posts.

[Aliza]

I thought this was funny b/c I believe it's the opposite: It's the MEN who are forgetful and the WOMEN who constantly have to remind them of EVERYTHING. Isn't this where the "nagging women" term came into place? Because the women we're constantly asking the men "Why aren't you putting your dirty clothes in the laundry hamper/putting the toliet seat down/throwing away your twine from the bales of hay?" Come on, Alayne! He may have you on the twine, but let's settle the score in a best 2 out of 3 scenario. :)

[Amy A]

I agree with you Steve...it was the cat!

:)

[Laura & Levi]

Too Funny! I have to admit I have left the twine behind. I did remember to pick it up last time though! :)

[Lisa]

Thanks for a good Tuesday morning giggle. I will admit, I often end up grabbing something, getting distracted along the way (Oh! while I'm at it I really should...), putting it down, picking up something else...well, you get the picture. By the time I'm done, everything is one step closer to where it should be but nothing is really finished! :) Welcome to all the new 'kids' at RDR!

[Sonja Matzkanin]

Steve me thinks your in some DEEP POOP with all the women.

[Peggy S.]

Aahhh life on the edge at RDR. To twine or not to twine, that is the question. But we don't want the horses eating twine that got accidentally mixed in their hay, so Steve, you are their hero!! Enjoy basking in the limelight. Who knows how long it will last.

[Lynne Parker]

You are just too funny.

[Dee in KY]

Great post and I laughed. My question would be...is a study really fair if there are multiple females but only one male? Seems to me IF there were other males involved there might be some that did not pick up the twine! Has me questioning what I would do with the twine. Maybe I will come for a visit and help with the hay. :o)

[Adele in the Bronx]

I gotta say, I am a stickler for the details, so the twine in my house has its own little plastic case that keeps it neat and tidy.
I think this post is gonna cost ya! Alayne ought to take some pics of her own. There's gotta be something you do!

[Ann]

If I lived on a farm I'd be a twine picker upper...and I'm female! Guess it's the OCD thing with me. But I agree with the others...you're a very lucky guy that Alayne loves you so much! :)

[Carla Polastro-Nigro]

Steve, I just love your writing style! What a great sense of humour!

Needless to say, I totally agree that women should run the show.;-)

It'll be comforting for you to know that, when there's any twine involved, I never fail to pick it up.:-)

[ginger, Tobias & Tlingit]

Do I dare ask where you slept last night? Was it in the cat house or ????
I hope you feel lots better now. You know, we all have our faults.
Warm hugs all around,
ginger, Tobias & Tlingit

[Beth]

Leave twine about? I would NEVER do something like that. Pshaw.

;)

[Kate & Luke]

you guys are too cute!

[Heather Montana and Timmy]

Just another sign that I am not "normal". I pick up twine. I HATE loose twine. Even funner than the cut strips- the UNCUT loose loops. Either way- they get wrapped around anything that rotates (lawn mowers, axels, weed eaters, tillers, etc.), it trips you in the dark (or when your hands are full and can't see) and is guaranteed to snag around a horse's leg when they are in any state other than "calm".
Its only proper state is rolled up into a ball and tied or banded together and stored away for future use as "poor man's rope" and cinching material. I will say it has come in handy as an emergency dog leash, horse rein and gate tie before.
ROCK ON STEVE! ROCK ON!!

Heather Montana and Timmy the Wonder Dog

[NinjaPonyDad]

Atta-boy Steve.....get right in there and show us how its done....what's next? Honey those Carhartts, aren't your sexiest? Or this doesn't taste quite as good as last time?
This is a blog that can't even be discussed without danger of small rural explosions!!!
Its twine,......bending to pick it up is exercise, I'm with Alayne on this one ....its that cat!!

NPD

[Barb Ribinski]

I also would be one to take my twine and dispose of properly. I couldn't stand the thought of blobs of twine just scattered about. So I totally understand. Any word on the new names for the two blind Louisiana pups? And how are they? Did they get their checkups?

[Glenn]

To paraphrase Alexander Pope, To err is human, to forgive detwine is superhuman.

Good luck emerging from the female dogpile you've brought upon yourself Steve. :)

[Ev]

My you do go on. You must feel better now after getting that off of your chest (and into your cover all pocket). Good luck with that.

[Alisa]

I'm surprised Alayne is even willing to feed the horses after that post! You're one lucky male!!!!

[Leila - Washington]

Okay Steve, while I tend to be the one running around here picking up stuff, in fairness to your "better half" and all the other fair damsels, do you pick up in the house (socks, clothes, dishes, etc) as well? If so, kudos! But you have a crew that works very hard with/for you and I know the twine oversight pales in comparison, huh? :-)

[Janet in Cambridge]

As one who was formerly involved with twine (I worked with my dressage trainer on weekends) and being of the OCD kind, I can assure you that I *always* took my twine with me. And I'm female. "A place for everything and everything in its place." I also compulsively sweep barn aisles, do laundry, fold, and put it away and make sure that the bridles are all facing in the same direction. Need it go on?