I wasn't going to start your week, or mine, with a blog post about another loss, so I didn't want to share the news about Luna yesterday. But on Friday, we had to say goodbye to our blind mare Luna. She had reached the age where her teeth had literally worn out. We had first noticed late this summer that she had started to lose weight, even while on pasture 24/7. We asked our equine vet, Dr. Erin Taylor, to run CBC and chem panels to see if there was something else going on -- kidney infection, other organ involvement, etc. -- but her blood work looked great. During Erin's dental exam on Luna we could see how worn down her teeth were then ... but we still hoped that with enough hay and grain this fall, we could turn her weight around. We figured she had to be about 30 years of age, and thus we knew the odds weren't great -- but we wanted to try.
So for the past two months, we fed her as much as she could eat, but with little effect. It seemed like every week we could feel her ribs a bit more. We finally realized she was just beginning to waste away, and nothing we were doing was changing that. We didn't want her to go through the winter like this, getting thinner and thinner. Even with a heavy winter blanket, it's tough to stay warm if a horse has no body fat.
Thus we knew this day was coming, but it was still hard -- and even harder than I thought it would be. I had trailered Luna into Missoula on Friday so Erin could euthanize her at the clinic, but even before I got out of the truck I was already in tears.
Our equine vets had always cautioned us that one year our numbers would catch up to us. What they meant was that given the average age of our herd -- we estimated it was close to about 25 years, which is pretty old for a horse -- we'd start losing a bunch of them. In other words, we'd have a "demographic wave" start crashing ashore. Well, they were right, and we began losing them over the past two years. Some had cancer, others we lost to things like colic and founder, others just began wasting away from worn-out teeth and bodies.
Luna was the latest -- which is why this was even more emotionally difficult than it might otherwise have been. Hopefully she will be the last we lose for a quite a while. She was always one of our favorites, an old girl with real smarts and plenty of character. Whenever we'd go to put a halter on her, she'd turn her head towards our arm and move her mouth as if to bite ... but most of the time it was what we called an "air-bite," like playing air guitar. Or else she'd gum our sleeve with lots of grass-green saliva. "Luna, I didn't need the slobber on my shirt, dear!"
Over the years we'd have the occasional employee tell us, "Hey, Luna tried to bite me today," and we'd say, "You know, if Luna wanted to bite you, she'd bite you. She knows exactly where you are. She's just foolin' with you."
We often let her follow us in from pasture by herself, while we led her pasture mate on a lead rope. Luna would just amble along behind, even walking through the gates unassisted. One time when Alayne was leading Luna's buddy into the corral next to Beauty's Barn, Luna decided to continue on into the barn on her own ... she walked right down the aisle to the other end, went straight over to the Rubbermaid tub where we kept the equine senior feed, flipped the lid off with her nose, and settled in to eat. Alayne found her happily standing in the aisle enjoying her meal. We thought, "Holy moly, if this horse could see, we'd have real trouble on our hands!"
When she first arrived, her eyes were the worst we'd ever seen -- completely rotted from years of untreated uveitis. We had to remove both of them as soon as she came, and what immense and immediate relief it gave her. We only had her for three years, yet at least she was pain-free.
When her last day with us finally came, it was a very sad goodbye.
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In positive news, our vet clinic reports that blind Helen is doing great!
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In The Final Week -- Still No. 1 -- But That Iowa Group Has Moved Up Fast!
Please keep voting for the ranch every day in The Animal Rescue Site/PetFinder's Shelter Challenge. Thanks to your votes, we came in third nationwide and won $3,000 for the animals in the previous contest earlier this year. Now we have a shot at No. 1 and the $20,000 grand prize in the current contest! Enter "Rolling Dog Ranch" and our state postal code, MT for Montana, and it will bring up our listing so you can cast your vote. Please ask your family and friends to vote, too.
You can see how fast the rankings can change, so we really need an extra push in the last week of the contest to hold that No. 1 spot. It ends on December 20th, so we're in the home stretch -- and $20,000 for the animals is in sight! Thank you!
We all know that this had to be hard for you to do, but once again you were thinking of her and her not suffering through the hard cold winter.Bless all of you at the RDR, we are doing our part on the voting so hope you are #1 in the end!
Posted by: Kathy and Harley | December 21, 2009 at 07:56 PM
I'm sorry to hear about Luna.. One of the hardest losses we've had was when our daughter's 28 year old appy finally passed.. She had gone blind several years before but loved being a 4H horse so much that we let our daughter keep showing her..
Bless you for doing all that you do for these great animals..
Posted by: Steve G | December 20, 2009 at 09:46 PM
There is a special place in heaven for all your blessed rescues. Your reward will be to one fine day join them and revel in their regained health and freedom. Your work touches my heart.
Posted by: Sandy Shubert | December 16, 2009 at 10:02 PM
To fully live is to love and to lose and to choose to love again. Thank you, Alayne and Steve, for showing us all such emotional bravery. We love you and your animals, past and present. Luna surely loved you, and was loved in return. Thanks for sharing a bit of her unique character and personality with us on this blog at this difficult time.
Posted by: Roxie | December 16, 2009 at 03:07 PM
I am so very sorry for your loss. Luna was so lucky to have lived her last years at RDR. She certainly did bless your lives with her antics. It's a really sad day for animal lovers. One of my close friends had to make the decision to put his dog down due to illness that could not be cured & was in pain. He was a rescue that had been horribly abused. My friend had him for 5 years & treated him like a king & spoiled him rotten. It makes my heart soar knowing the last days of any animal. especially ones that need that extra help, are spent w/ people who love & care so much for them. Thank you for what you do at RDR.
I am so happy to hear Helen is doing so well!!!
Posted by: Colleen & Sweet Kitty Erin | December 16, 2009 at 11:52 AM
Luna is at the Bridge and looking all around for you so she can give you a welcome nip :>
You handle these things with such grace and compassion - it gives me hope when my own blind girl dies (and the "numbers catching up" idea is true for me as well), I will be able to be the same.
My thoughts and prayers with you both.
Posted by: Lesa | December 15, 2009 at 11:50 PM
So sorry to hear of Luna's passing. Her antics showed her sense of humour! You took such good care of her right to the end.
On the positive note, glad to hear Helen is doing well.
Posted by: Nina | December 15, 2009 at 10:04 PM
So sad to hear about Luna. Thank you for the love and care you gave to her this last few years. They were probably her best.
Posted by: Julie | December 15, 2009 at 09:26 PM
Godspeed Luna may you be running free in the warm sunshine and sweet green pastures.
Thank you Steve and Alayne for giving Luna a wonderful home surrounded by so much love.
To live in the hearts we leave behind is not to die....rest well sweet girl
Posted by: Beverly Bower | December 15, 2009 at 04:25 PM
So sorry to hear about Luna and your loss. I always liked hearing about her...Luna was well loved and had a great life and will continue on somewhere else, happily, with the knowledge that she was well loved by you all. That is a huge stepping stone for any of us eh. Thanks so much for taking such good care of her and the rest of your family.
Posted by: Lisa Lashaway | December 15, 2009 at 04:23 PM
I am so very sad today guys! When I was visiting the ranch, I was by the fence petting Luna, I turned around for a second and she leaned through the fence and nibbled on my butt! I jumped and laughed as it scared me...what a character! I am so glad she got to live her life to the fullest with you on the ranch. My heart gos out to you and Alayne.
Posted by: Tia Rosetti-Mills | December 15, 2009 at 03:48 PM
I'm so sorry guys for your loss. She always sounded like such a neat horse. She'll be sadly missed.
Posted by: Jen | December 15, 2009 at 03:44 PM
My heartfelt thoughts are with you two as well as Luna's horse friends. You've taught me that they grieve too. And now I've learned from Luna that horses play jokes like her pretending to bite. My, how lucky we were to have known her. Bye bye Luna.
Posted by: Lynn (in Louisiana) | December 15, 2009 at 03:39 PM
I'm so sorry for your loss. Always hard to lose a pet no matter what. I did enjoy reading about her antics though!!
Glad to hear Helen's doing well! Always a bit of sunshine somewhere!
Posted by: Kenna | December 15, 2009 at 02:35 PM
3 days, 3 weeks, 3 months, 3 years...it doesn't matter how long you have them...when you've made the commitment to love them and care for them you're totally in. So when you lose one it hurts like bloody hell. I know Luna got the best love and care she could have gotten anywhere for those 3 years and yet in your heart you still feel it wasn't enough and you wish you could have done more. Doesn't matter if there wasn't any more to do, you always wish there was. I am so sorry for your loss and I appreciate your heartbreak in making decisions like this. I'm pretty sure Luna's spirit thanks you for letting her go. We thank you for taking care of her AND for sharing her story with us. We share your tears. Cyber hugs to you both.
Posted by: Miranda | December 15, 2009 at 01:19 PM
They grace our lives for a such a short period but our hearts forever! My deepest sympathy to you both in the loss of dear Luna! The moon will shine brighter in the sky tonight with her in the heavens! Peace to you!
Posted by: Nan Livingston | December 15, 2009 at 12:31 PM
I'm sorry you guys. The path you have chosen is a difficult one. Not many would be so brave as you. Poor dear Luna. She was a lucky girl to have those last 3 years be pain free and safe with you. Hang in there.
Posted by: Ev | December 15, 2009 at 11:51 AM
God Speed Luna. She will be missed.
You and Alayne made her final years very happy ones. She left this world knowing love, caring, and most of all belonging. I hope you can feel all the love we are sending all @ RDR.
I, and so many of my friends are making the final push for the challenge. Vote. Vote. Vote. 5 days!!!
Posted by: Doe George | December 15, 2009 at 11:51 AM
Bless your sweet and hard-working hearts! Luna had such a wonderful stay with you and you can still give all that love and hard work to the dear creatures that depend on you daily, even while you grieve. We all so admire your strength!
Posted by: Angela | December 15, 2009 at 11:45 AM
I am so sorry to read about your latest loss. Luna was such a joy to you, and I pray that you will find comfort in your memories of her and in the knowledge that you gave her a good and pain-free final three years.
Posted by: Vicki Small | December 15, 2009 at 11:40 AM
I'm so sorry to hear the news about Luna. I always loved reading the stories about her. In her last three years of life she found freedom from pain, friendship with other horses, and most of all, people who loved her. Luna was a very lucky girl. My condolences to you on losing such a good friend.
Posted by: Peggy | December 15, 2009 at 11:37 AM
My heart goes out to you. Thanks for giving Luna three good years. You have a special place in horse heaven with her memory.
Posted by: Maxly | December 15, 2009 at 11:09 AM
My thoughts are with you Alayne and Steve. Big hugs from Texas.
Posted by: Kristi Gross | December 15, 2009 at 11:02 AM
Steve and Alayne, I'm sorry about Luna. It is sad. You both do wonderful work. She had happy years with you! Hope you will feel better, especially with good news about Helen!
Posted by: Dawn | December 15, 2009 at 11:02 AM
Bless her heart and yours. She had a great three years with you, I am sure.
Posted by: Suzanne | December 15, 2009 at 10:46 AM
I'm so very sorry.
Posted by: Darcie | December 15, 2009 at 10:41 AM
Luna experienced great love and care at RDR and that is what we can all be so very grateful for...she was taken in and cared for until the very end!
Bless your work and your lives.
Posted by: Brenda | December 15, 2009 at 10:28 AM
With love and a sad goodbye to sweet Luna. Thank you, Steve and Alayne, for making her senior years happy and comfortable.
Posted by: Linda | December 15, 2009 at 10:26 AM
What a heart wrenching post this was to read. My tears are all for you and Alayne...I am so sorry Luna will no longer be with you in form. Thank you for sharing loving memories of her with us and for giving her 3 years of love and quality of life. We know she rests in peace but it's so very hard for those she leaves behind.
Healing prayers and thoughts go out to you.
Posted by: boundforglory | December 15, 2009 at 10:26 AM
So sorry for the loss of Luna. So hard to say good bye to our dearest friends.
Barbara Techel
Posted by: Barbara Techel | December 15, 2009 at 10:14 AM
Our hearts are with you-as always! But when you two have to go through these losses we hope you can feel the love and support of all of us out here even more... Luna will be missed!
Posted by: Colleen and Wes Vermillion | December 15, 2009 at 10:04 AM
Oh no...Steve and Alayne I am so sorry to hear about Luna's passing :( What a kind and selfless gift you gave her...sparing her a cold and difficult winter. But that doesn't much ease the heartache I know...sending you both a monster hug and hoping you can focus on those wonderful three years you gave this beautiful and funny girl. It's the innocent trouble makers who seem to find their way deepest into our hearts.
Thinking of you all,
Sue
Posted by: Sue | December 15, 2009 at 10:04 AM
Dear Steve & Alayne,
So sorry to hear this sad news.
Rolling Dog Ranch is in all our hearts, in celebrations of joy and through the times of sorrow.
Yet we can only imagine the gamut of emotions you two must endure for choosing such an important & unique path in life.
We thank you and the blessed animals do too.
Last night I had a dream and in it was the biggest, brightest, most glorious full moon my mind could imagine...must of been Luna.
Don't know what I'm going to do after the 20th, it's been an automatic part of my morning to vote! C'mon folks let's make a strong final push to the finish!!!
Posted by: Sasha in MN | December 15, 2009 at 09:49 AM
I am so sorry. I just had to put my 30 yr old horse, Shadow, down this past June and it really, really hurts. He developed a tumor and could no longer eat, so basically he would have starved to death. I know in my heart I did the right thing and I know you feel that way too. I rescued my baby as well, and we just need to know that we gave them the best like they could have ever had & that should make us feel really good. I know how much Luna will be missed. God bless you guys for all the furbabies you save on a daily basis.
Posted by: Annette | December 15, 2009 at 09:31 AM
So sorry to hear about Luna, but if people really want to celebrate her life VOTE everyday for the ranch. They can really use the money to help horses like Luna.
Posted by: gayle | December 15, 2009 at 08:54 AM
I'm sending you lots of sympathy on your sad goodbye to your dear friend, Luna. She was so special & you had a recipocal relationship. I think that's one of the reasons that it's so difficult to let go. I'm so sorry for your loss, but the wonderful thing is you had her in your care for three wonderful years. You gave her all the best on the planet plus all your love. God speed sweet Luna, you are missed and were dearly loved,
ginger, Tobias & Tlingit
Posted by: ginger | December 15, 2009 at 08:36 AM
RIP, sweet Luna girl. Like you, I'm glad she didn't have to go through a long, cold Montana winter feeling cold and miserable. She had the good life with you. ;-)
Posted by: Janet in Cambridge | December 15, 2009 at 08:23 AM
So sorry about Luna but glad to hear that Helen is doing well.
Nancy and Buddy in SC.
Posted by: Nancy Longfield | December 15, 2009 at 07:42 AM
I keep a quote on my board at work (sorry I don't know who said it)that reads, "We who choose to surround ourselves with lives more temporary than our own, live within a fragile circle, easily and often breached. Unable to accept its awful gaps...we still would nave it no other way".
Godspeed, dear Luna. Steve and Alayne, I am so sorry for your loss; it's been a rough year.
Posted by: Debbie | December 15, 2009 at 07:41 AM
Keep your chins up. The hard part of this is this part. But as you know, it's worth the price paid. You gave that horse three good years of love. Thanks.
Posted by: Adele in the Bronx | December 15, 2009 at 07:05 AM
I'm so sorry. I don't know how you do it.
Posted by: Lynne Parker | December 15, 2009 at 06:37 AM
Run free Luna, know you were loved. Our thoughts are with you Steve and Alayne. It is never an easy road, but we take it anyway.
Posted by: Kae Norman | December 15, 2009 at 03:11 AM
As always, it's not easy to type through tears... Reading about Luna reminded me of last year, when I lost my beloved Fumosa (aged 27) to colic.
I still don't know how you two can cope with all these heartbreaking losses...
But those three pain-free years you gave Luna make it all worthwhile I guess, don't they?
And from now on, she'll be pain-free forever...
Vi abbraccio forte.
Posted by: Carla Polastro-Nigro | December 15, 2009 at 02:49 AM
We are so sorry to hear of Luna's passing -- we know it's so hard, with each 'family' member you lose. God bless you as you open your hearts and home to all of them.
Posted by: Leila - Washington | December 15, 2009 at 02:31 AM
May you feel Luna's presence every time you guide the horses through the pasture.....knowing you were the one that let her live life free.....god bless......
Posted by: Joanne Cottle | December 15, 2009 at 01:24 AM
Damn, so sorry to hear it. But it seems like sparing her from the harsh winter was truly the kindest thing.
Best wishes to you. Between work and home I have access to three computers ... so I am voting for you three times daily!
Posted by: Vickie | December 15, 2009 at 12:17 AM
So very sorry to hear of Luna's passing. What a great gal she was! Know that you gave her the best years of her long life, and I'm sure much happiness.
Posted by: Donna | December 15, 2009 at 12:14 AM
So sad - you're killin' me! God bless you and Luna and especially Helen...... :( Keep it up baby....
Posted by: Sharon | December 14, 2009 at 11:59 PM
My sympathies to you folks on losing Luna. She was a neat horse, and I know you'll miss her. May she rest in peace.
Posted by: moon rani | December 14, 2009 at 11:54 PM
My sincere condolences on the loss of your beauty, Luna. Seemed to me from past blogs that she was instrumental in keeping the youngsters under control. I know you're really going to miss her. God bless.
Posted by: chris b | December 14, 2009 at 11:05 PM