Well, I had tried really hard not to get my hopes up over this, but after we saw blind Madison's pupils respond to light during her eye exam last week, it was impossible not to keep thinking about what it would mean to give Madison the gift of sight, too. So I was kind of a nervous wreck this morning when I drove her to Helena for her electroretinogram, or ERG, which would determine how much retinal function she had.
After getting Madison sedated, the probes inserted, and the ERG machine initialized, our vet Dr. Brenda Culver picked up the yellow device that shines the bright light into the eye. As I waited for the first pulse of light to flash in Madison's left eye, I held my breath and looked at the monitor screen. A graph would appear almost instantly, and I knew what to look for.
I am not too proud to admit that I fought back tears when I saw the line appear on left side of the graph and begin to move sideways. Madison was flat-lining. She had no retinal function in that eye.
Brenda said, "Wait, don't react yet. I want to repeat it."
But it was still the same result. It was the same for her right eye, too.
She would never see again.
While Madison recovered from the anesthesia, I went out to the truck and called Alayne with the news. Yes, by this time I was in tears. With Charlie's experience at regaining vision so fresh in our minds, we wanted so desperately to do the same thing for Madison. Intellectually I knew we only had a 50/50 chance, but emotionally we were 100% invested in a positive outcome.
I asked Brenda how we could have a pupillary light reflex -- which indicates the retina is detecting some light -- but have the ERG completely flat-lining. The answer is a complicated one, having to do with how the retina itself works, but it comes down to degree of retinal function. And Madison just didn't have enough to matter.
We had the opposite situation many years ago when we lived in Seattle. Our dog Goldie was having some eye issues, and we took her to a veterinary ophthalmologist there for an exam. Goldie flat-lined on her ERG, and yet she could still clearly see at that point. The ophthalmologist marveled at this result, and told us that it just showed how much we still don't understand about how the brain and body can "re-wire" itself to cope. She said at the time, "The ERG is telling us one thing, the dog is telling us something else." It took a couple of years for Goldie's vision to catch up to the ERG results.
But today, sadly, there was no denying what Madison's ERG meant.
Here's a close-up view of Madison after Brenda finished administering the ERG:
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Still No. 1!
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I know how disappointed you are & what a wonderful gift it would have been. I got a lump in my throat reading this & knowing how disappointed you all were. So many have expressed it so well & I agree with them. Madison is such a loving dog & she has certainly worked her way into your heart & a spot in front of the fireplace. The wonderful thing is for Madison & any of your disabled babies they don't know the difference. Life is just grand for them & you have made that possible. Giving every single one of them the best of the best. And, I immediately thought of blind Creighton & how he has not let being blind slow him down in the least. A blind dog that fetches? It's truly amazing! I just love you all for how much you care & not enough words in this world can express how deeply I care for all of you at RDR!!! We are blessed in many ways in life & Madison is just one of the blessings for all us!
Posted by: Colleen & Sweet Kitty Erin | October 26, 2009 at 03:22 PM
You have given Madison such a wonderful life, it's more important for her to have a loving stable home than her vision. While the gift of sight wasn't meant to be, the gift of a loving home is the best gift of all...and that is what you have given her.
Posted by: Toni | October 24, 2009 at 02:31 PM
Everyone else has expressed it so well, that I'll just add that I agree.
Sending you & Alayne big hugs,
ginger, Tobias & Tlingit
Posted by: ginger & the critters | October 23, 2009 at 09:10 PM
Madison is a very lucky dog to have a couple that care enough to even give her a chance.She doesn't need her sight all she needs is the love and care from you and Alayne and a spot in front of that warm fireplace.Blessd you both!
Posted by: Kathy and Harley | October 23, 2009 at 07:27 PM
I agree with everyone. You are wonderful for trying, and caring so deeply. That is what Madison needs most- that caring forever home. She's come so far to where she's meant to be.
This makes us appreciate Charlie's miracle even more.
Posted by: Margaret | October 23, 2009 at 03:59 PM
I know you're disappointed, but think of how happy she is. I bet she's happier and has a better life than many sighted dogs.
Buddy (Remember him? We adopted him from you 3-1/2 years ago.) can't see but acts like he can. We know he's blind, the vet knows he's blind, but it doesn't matter! He's so happy all the time, the big galoot. Take care.
Posted by: Susan | October 23, 2009 at 01:55 PM
I was really hoping for a happy post thing morning, but I guess that wasn't meant to be either. I know how it feels to get your hopes up like that. What you need to remember is that while the humans are disappointed, Madison is perfectly happy how she is. She has a great life, she just moved into the main house, and in her mind, she has everything she needs:)
Posted by: Aliza | October 23, 2009 at 12:16 PM
I believe that Madison can SEE. She can See with her nose. She can see with her heart. She can see with her ears. Like many blind people who have guide dogs to assist them, she has a couple of wonderful people to be her guide people. Someone to call her for supper, someone to put the warm fuzzy blanket down near the stove, someone to itch the specail spot between hers ears. Madison is blessed. Without even looking she can SEE that she is where she is loved.
Posted by: Eric | October 23, 2009 at 10:39 AM
You all have had such a roller coaster fall. Yet with this latest disappointment your hearts grow bigger. Everyone who reads your blog or has ever been to your web site is so proud and humbled by your work. You are doing what all of us wish we could. Your kind work makes my day.
Posted by: sandy shubert | October 23, 2009 at 10:30 AM
While getting her sight back was not to be, coming to RDR was. Really, what more could she ask for?
Posted by: Cheryl | October 23, 2009 at 10:22 AM
How great that Madison even had the opportunity to get tested for possible vision. Thank goodness she is in a home where she belongs and has such loving care.
Posted by: Deedie Goodwin Lutz, KY | October 23, 2009 at 09:59 AM
Bless you guys and your wonderful hearts for God's critters! Physical sight would have been an awesome gift, but Madison is blessed with a different kind of "sight" into the world you have given her. Give her a belly rub and hugs from us. You could even give each other a hug from us!
Posted by: Vicki Small | October 23, 2009 at 09:56 AM
I'm so sorry that it didn't turn out as we had all hoped...fortunately, Madison is still our sweet, happy girl...and she is surrounded by love every day of her life. It was worth checking out, but remember that SHE isn't as sad about the outcome as we are.
Posted by: Debbie | October 23, 2009 at 07:49 AM
I quite agree with Lynn that "it's okay. Madison is still one of the happiest dogs in the world, blind or not.
And you Steve, are one of the greatest guys in the world."
God bless your loving, generous heart!
Posted by: Carla Polastro-Nigro | October 23, 2009 at 04:12 AM
Well, that stinks, but I bet you Madison doesn't mind too much.... especially now that she's been invited inside!!
She has such a sweet, sweet face!!!
Posted by: Kenna | October 23, 2009 at 12:20 AM
I'm sorry about that but I agree, you give them the best lives possible. She knows you're around by scent, the sounds of other dogs and you guys, and her routine. No where else would she have it as good.
Posted by: Adele in the Bronx | October 22, 2009 at 10:15 PM
God bless your heart. You folks are some of the kindest folks around.
You gave it a shot. It didn't work out. It is sad but boy does she have a great home and some wonderful folks to give her the love and care she needs. Give yourself a hug and a pat on the back. Maybe a treat. Maybe a belly rub. You're awesome
Posted by: Ev | October 22, 2009 at 08:40 PM
Steve and Alayne,
Thank you for trying and giving Madison the chance to see again. I am sorry that it was not meant to be...but I rejoice in Madison's good fortune to be with you and all the happy times ahead for her.
Posted by: Chloe | October 22, 2009 at 08:34 PM
I know you are *so* disappointed at not being able to restore Maddie's eyesight, but remember what a good quality of life she has. You know better than most how well "disabled" animals enjoy life. I know you wanted to give her this gift, but don't beat yourselves up too badly. She has the very best of everything else.
And she's still the sweet Maddie you know and love and who probably doesn't even realize what she's missing. I'm not belittling your disappointment, but remember all the other good things she has in her life, the best of which is living at RDR...as a "house" dog!!
Kisses on Maddie's little wet nose.
Posted by: Janet in Cambridge | October 22, 2009 at 06:48 PM
Well, Steve and Alayne, who else would have even given Madison the CHANCE of having her sight restored??? I'm sad for you all and for Madison, but you are still one for two with this medical marvel in the past couple of months!!! She is surrounded by so much love and companionship at RDR. She is still in the best place ever-just without her sight. Thanks from the bottom of my heart(and I'm sure from everyone else who visits your blog)for trying! Back to work early tomorrow to cast more votes. Sending big hugs from Cincinnati-Carolyn
Posted by: Carolyn Kupferschmid | October 22, 2009 at 06:45 PM
It's okay Steve, she is still going to have the same happy life at RDR that she has now.....as a HOUSE dog even. You tried and that is what counts. Don't be too down about this. Her blindness has been a blessing for her because she is in great hands with you guys. That is why she is always SMILING!!!!
Posted by: Marla | October 22, 2009 at 06:39 PM
It's okay. Madison is still one of the happiest dogs in the world, blind or not.
And you Steve, are one of the greatest guys in the world.
Posted by: Lynn (in Louisiana) | October 22, 2009 at 06:02 PM