Our little survivor made it as far as he could go. And today his body finally gave out. It happened so fast I didn't even have a chance to say goodbye.
Yesterday Teddy had been his usual happy self. He was eager for his dinner, and had been barking at Alayne in the kitchen to hurry up with the feeding. Last night he had been breathing a little heavier than normal, but nothing we hadn't seen before -- especially on a warm evening. Yet just to make sure he didn't have a fever, we took his temperature and it was normal at 101 (38.3 C). By the time we put him up for the night, his breathing had subsided.
But this morning when we got up Teddy had very labored breathing, with his mouth open and head pointed up. This was the same thing that sent him back to the hospital almost a month ago to the day. After a week there, our vets could find nothing in the imaging or lab results to explain the breathing difficulty. He quickly recovered from it and came home in great shape.
Still, we were concerned by a repeat episode, so Alayne and I tested his glucose level and it was at 283 -- pretty low for Teddy. But his temperature was now 98.9 (37.1 C), too low for comfort given the other signs we were seeing. Just to make sure there wasn't a problem with the thermometer, a few minutes later we took it again ... and it had dropped to 98.6. Uh oh.
I called our clinic's emergency number, and our vet, Dr. Brenda Culver, soon called back. Alayne was already preparing to rush Teddy to the clinic, and I told Brenda that Alayne would call her as soon as she got over MacDonald Pass and near Helena so she'd know when to meet her at the clinic.
I took Teddy outside so he could pee while I went to get the truck ready. When I got back to the house, Teddy was sitting up next to the wall of the house, soaking in the early morning sun, but panting heavily. I picked him up and started carrying him out to the truck. About halfway there, his body went rigid, his front legs paddled furiously, and then his head flopped over to the side. I dropped to my knees on the drive to cradle him, and yelled to Alayne to hurry outside.
Teddy's body lay limp in my hands, and I thought we had lost him. Then, to my astonishment, he regained consciousness. He picked his head up and put his legs down. I set him on the ground and he stood on all fours, as if nothing had happened. At that point Alayne came up, and I said, "I thought he had died but he came back. We're running out of time."
We rushed over to the truck parked in the vehicle shed, but as we got there, he went limp in my hands again and his head fell over. I cradled him once more, but this time he didn't bounce back. I got down on my knees and held him in my arms. I told Alayne, "We've lost him." She started crying. "Oh, Teddy, no! Please!" She scooped him up so she could hold him against her chest. A few seconds later, as she was holding him, she said, "Wait! I can hear him breathing!" And sure enough, he had just started to breathe again. We were incredulous. He was still fighting.
She threw her things in the front seat of the truck while I wrapped him in blankets and laid him in the back seat. A minute later, there was a cloud of dust as Alayne raced down the road towards Highway 200.
I called Brenda to let her know what had happened so she could be prepared.
I headed out to the barns to do morning chores. About 20 minutes later the phone rang. It was Alayne calling from the truck. She said, "We lost him about Helmville. He just stopped breathing altogether." (Helmville is a little town like Ovando, south of us on the way to Helena.) Alayne had kept reaching into the back seat to check on Teddy, and that's when she realized she could no longer feel or hear him breathing.
We decided there and then to have her continue on to Helena so Brenda could do a necropsy -- an autopsy -- to find out what happened.
Brenda did the necropsy this afternoon and emailed me with her findings.
Brenda said she "found very little on the gross level to explain his sudden death. I have submitted multiple tissue samples for histopathology which will give us more definitive answers. On gross necropsy (those changes visible to the naked eye), the liver appeared enlarged and the pancreas was discolored...changes consistent with diabetes and not necessarily specific explanations for his death this morning."
She thought the series of events "can be consistent with a thromboembolic accident ('stroke'). The histopathology will help to determine if this is the possible cause of death as well as any other pathologies involved."
Brenda said we should have the full necropsy report by the end of this week, and she'll let us know if the results come in sooner. For background she had written, "In order to get the necessary tissue samples, I used routine surgical approaches and delicate tissue handling for optimal histopathology results. His body was treated with the utmost respect while performing this procedure."
At the clinic, Brenda had told Alayne that diabetes takes a systemic toll on the body, and the older the patient is, the harder it is on them. She said, "We know he was already old, but he may have been even older than we thought." In which case, she said, "his little body could have just worn out."
Still, it seems so danged unfair. Here he went for so long with untreated diabetes, which blinded him; then he was nearly starved to death; and finally he was dumped out on a curb to fend for himself -- only to be rescued and brought to us, where he was able to get the best possible medical care and as much love as he could handle. We had Teddy for just over 10 weeks -- and four of those he spent in the hospital, where he underwent major bladder and gallbladder surgery.
I guess that's what seems so unfair ... late in life, his luck finally changed, but he didn't get to enjoy it for more than a few weeks. And he had been doing so well recently! He was spunky and bossy and loved his new life here.
Teddy had a particular attachment to me, and followed me around the house so he could stay close. He loved nothing more than lying on my lap. On those evenings when I had time to sit in the recliner in the living room to read, Teddy would come over, stand up on his hind feet, put his front paws on the edge of the chair, and look at me with this quizzical expression that said, "Well? Here I am!" I'd reach down and pull him up so he could sit with me while I read. When I was working in the office, he'd come in to sleep on one of the beds in here. Often he'd come over to the desk chair, stand up on his hind feet, and demand to be picked up and held. It didn't matter to him whether it was a recliner or desk chair, all he knew was that I was sitting down ... and that meant my lap was available.
I kept thinking I needed to get a photo of his scruffy little face appearing over the edge of my chair ... but I never did.
So just over two months was all we got with him. Bless his little heart.
We love you, Teddy. We miss you already.
I'm sitting here crying. I know you wanted more time for him, and with him. But man, he was so lucky to finally have found his forever home with you guys. Just the fact that he knew love, he knew you and Alayne cared about him is such a wonderful gift he received and you received love in return. I'm so sorry for your loss. He sounded like a wonderful little guy. You are both in my thoughts.
Posted by: Jen | September 28, 2009 at 02:12 PM
Please accept my heartfelt sympathy for the loss of little Teddy. He was such a bright little star and I wish I could've held him myself he was so adorable. You gave him happiness at the end of his life, which is a LOT. Hugs to you both.
Posted by: Katy | September 28, 2009 at 01:51 PM
I too read your blog every morning when I come into work. I couldn't believe what I was reading. I don't know how you both do it - yet I do. Thank you for being there for all those poor animals that wouldn't be alive if it wasn't for you both.You have given so much to so many (both animals and humans). I thank the Lord that there are people like you in the world. My heart goes out to you both. Thank you for giving the animals all the love and care that they deserve.
Posted by: Lori | September 28, 2009 at 01:22 PM
Even though I never held him...losing this one hurt...a lot.
Posted by: Cora | September 28, 2009 at 01:15 PM
Teddy,
Thank you for your gift in opening our hearts. We are sending you love and light on your spiritual journey. We will never forget you sweet one.
Posted by: Chloe and Kate | September 28, 2009 at 01:10 PM
I believe dogs live in the moment and thoses moments Teddy lived with you were the best moments he ever had. He was happy and loved at the end. What more could he or any of us ask for?
I'm so sorry for your loss.
Posted by: Beth | September 28, 2009 at 01:10 PM
My heart aches for both of you. Teddy loved you both and his new wonderful home. Thank you so much for giving him the love and tenderness he so much needed.
God bless you both.
Posted by: Barb | September 28, 2009 at 01:01 PM
Steve and Alayne,
I'm heartbroken for you... but as traumatic as his last moments on earth were for you, to have been in your arms had to be the greatest comfort possible. Your very best care and investment of heart & soul for Teddy were priceless. I'm thankful he could find the best of humanity before gaining his wings. Peace to you all. So sorry...
Posted by: Margaret | September 28, 2009 at 12:53 PM
I'm so sorry for you and Alayne. Teddy was very lucky to have so much love in the last part of his life.
Posted by: Mary Elynne Tappero | September 28, 2009 at 12:45 PM
I'm so sorry to hear about losing Teddy. He had the face of an angel. I feel like I've lost one of my own. I'm thankful he was blessed with joy and love from you.
Posted by: Jennifer Tranthem | September 28, 2009 at 12:32 PM
Dear Steve and Alayne,
My deepest condolences to you on the loss of your precious little jewel. You and your vets and everyone connected with making him better were his way to happiness, even though it was short-lived. He most certainly got the good he deserved, though for a short while, because of you. I'm thinking he has already seen angels so he won't be scared in heaven. You are there with him - and know how loved and respected you are by your fans for what you and all your colleagues do every day so bravely.
Rest in peace darling Teddy,
Angela
Posted by: Angela | September 28, 2009 at 12:32 PM
What a crappy and tearful way to start a Monday! I'm terribly sorry to hear of Teddy's passing but I absolutely KNOW you two gave him more love in the 10 weeks you knew him than he received his whole life. My sincerest condolences and hugs to you both and thank you for giving Teddy some very loved and cared for weeks.
Posted by: Miranda | September 28, 2009 at 12:28 PM
You went to extraordinary lengths for Teddy. His spunk & bright little spirit endeared him to all of us. As Moira Anderson has said:
"YOU WOULD NOT FEEL THE PAIN IF IT HAD NOT BEEN FOR THE LOVE."
Peace yo him & to you.
Posted by: Consuelo Larrabee | September 28, 2009 at 12:24 PM
Oh, I'm so sorry. Yes, it does seem unfair. But the important thing to remember is that Teddy doesn't think so. All he knows is that for the last part of his life he was happy, and in his last moments he was with the people who loved him and gave him that happiness. Try to hold on to that, and be comforted knowing you made those last few weeks good ones.
Posted by: Tonya | September 28, 2009 at 12:18 PM
I was not expecting that this morning. I clicked on the page and saw his sweet face, and then read the subject, and I just could not put the two items together. Teddy died? What? No, it had to be a mistake. Maybe they taught him how to lie down and play dead or something. But as I scrolled further and further down reading, it appeared it was not a joke. What a little fighter he was! And so unfair is exactly right. I'm absolutely stunned right now. I refuse to cry at work, but I will definitely be crying later. A lot.
Posted by: Aliza | September 28, 2009 at 12:10 PM
I've only found your rescue group a short time ago, but one of the first posts I read was about Teddy coming to the ranch. My heart went out to him and I was so glad he found a home with you and Alayne. I am so sad to hear that he is now gone. I can only hope that it's true what they say, that dogs only live in the moment and not in the past. He no longer remembered cruelty and despair, but sunshine, love, respect and warm laps, and that is what he took with him.
My heart goes out to you and Alayne.
Posted by: Sandra | September 28, 2009 at 12:04 PM
My heart is breaking for you both. It's just not fair that we have these sweet little companions for such a short time. Please take comfort in knowing you gave Teddy the best 2 months of his life and he died happy at the RDR.
Posted by: Becca, Sweet Pea and Rocky | September 28, 2009 at 11:47 AM
Alayne and Steve, What a heartbreak for you. His short time with you was full of love and care that he never had. Bless his little soul.
Posted by: Regis Dalton | September 28, 2009 at 11:42 AM
I am so sad, and I'm crying too for the loss of Teddy. Sweet, sweet little guy. I felt like I knew him.
Thank you for giving him such a fighting chance these past few months, and all the LOVE and CARE he deserved. How precious that he knew your lap was just for him!
God bless you and Alayne.
Posted by: Lisa Koch | September 28, 2009 at 11:23 AM
So sorry to hear about little Teddy. With the both of you he knew what it was truely like to be loved.
Rest In Peace little Buddy Teddy!
Posted by: DT | September 28, 2009 at 11:14 AM
Steve and Alayane, thank you so much for taking Teddy in and giving him a safe, secure, warm, and happy place to spend his finals days. I am sorry he is gone. God Bless you both and the work that you do.
Posted by: Amy A | September 28, 2009 at 11:11 AM
I am terribly saddened by the loss of sweet Teddy! I'm am so very thankful that he got to see how the good life was before he went. Bless you two for all you do for our forgotten animal family!
Posted by: Taz | September 28, 2009 at 11:11 AM
Sweet little Teddy the heart bandit may have earned his wings but he made quite an impact in such little time.
Thank you Steve & Alayne for sharing him with us and making his last days on earth the best humanly possible.
The price you pay is high opening your hearts & home to those who truly need it, investing your emotions and love on those who are beyond deserving.
My thoughts are with you both today and I will hug my own little rescue extra close with Teddy in mind.
I wish I could vote a thousand times in remembrance of him today, instead I will make extra efforts to let more folks know about the shelter contest & voting.
Posted by: Sasha in MN | September 28, 2009 at 11:08 AM
I'm so sorry to hear about sweet little Teddy. I know he appreciated all your efforts, you did everything you could. Poor little guy. I'm sorry.
Posted by: Dawn | September 28, 2009 at 10:59 AM
I am so sorry for your loss.
I am so very glad he had you for the time he did, though! He knew he was well loved by everyone!!
Posted by: Kenna | September 28, 2009 at 10:41 AM
Dear Steve and Alayne..
I'm just brokenhearted in reading about our little Teddy! He was a precious little dog..and we are all going to miss him so very much. He will be waiting for you both at the Rainbow Bridge. I'll say a prayer for Teddy..and you guys too. Thank you for all the wonderful work you do for our precious animal friends at the ranch. May God bless you both.
Rosemary
Posted by: Rosemary Furnell | September 28, 2009 at 10:39 AM
I am so so sorry Steve and Alayne,
Teddy was a survivor and he had
the best of the best the last 10 weeks. I know how hard this is having lost my own little fighter
a month ago. Teddy will be missed.
Thank you for all that you do for these guys.
Posted by: Maureen Bishop | September 28, 2009 at 10:15 AM
I read your blog every morning when I get to work and this was just not what I was expecting. I burst in to tears with co-workers wondering what on earth happened. I am so sorry that sweet little guy didn't have more time with you. At least he knew what love was even if it was only for a short time. We're certainly all better people for having known him. Please take care and know you and Alayne are in our hearts. Thank you for being there for sweet little Teddy.
Posted by: Christine Baltazar | September 28, 2009 at 09:53 AM
Steve and Alayne, I am so very sorry to hear about sweet, lovable Teddy. My deepest sympathies to you both. You did your very best to save him. As many have mentioned before, he spent his last months feeling safe and surrounded by love.
Take good care of yourselves.
Posted by: Mary | September 28, 2009 at 09:48 AM
Bless you both for the work that you do taking care of all these "thrown away" animals. I too am in animal rescue and fostering. My heart goes out to you on your recent loss of little Teddy. Even though he was only with you for a short time he knew you loved and cared for him more than anyone else ever did. He now will wait for you at Rainbow Bridge with all those that have gone before him. God Bless
Lori
Posted by: Lori Owens | September 28, 2009 at 09:33 AM
I am very sorry to hear about Teddy's passing...please take comfort in knowing he did not die abandoned in some street...he died surrounded by love...the greatest gift of all!
Thank you for all you do and suffer for these little ones!
Posted by: Brenda | September 28, 2009 at 09:28 AM
Everyone fell in love with Teddy. Each day I would await news on how was Teddy doing. I was so upset about the shape he was in when he came to you. How horrible. I am so grateful he found a momma and daddy to love him , I just wish he had more time. I know your hearts are breaking it is clear from your post how much you loved him. Thank you for taking in this sweet baby when you did.
Posted by: Angie, Noah & Joshua,the yorkies | September 28, 2009 at 09:27 AM
I'm so sorry to hear of Teddy's passing!
We only know for certain what the past 2 months have been like for Teddy...filled with care and love; from you and his Vet staff. Great food, doggie friends and a great lap to sit on. I don't think a better life had been seen by him and I'm grateful that the last few weeks he had were spent with you and Alayne. What a true miracle!
He will be remembered and missed and continually....loved.
Peace to you sweet Teddy.
Posted by: boundforglory | September 28, 2009 at 09:25 AM
My heart is breaking. I have tears in my eyes. Teddy knows he was loved and wanted the last weeks of his life.
Posted by: Lynda | September 28, 2009 at 09:08 AM
Dear Alayne and Steve,
We are so very sorry--Teddy was an adorable little guy! Our thoughts and prayers are with you.
Nancy and Buddy in NJ
Posted by: Nancy Longfield | September 28, 2009 at 09:05 AM
He had the best home in the world and all that love for 10 weeks. You guys did the best job!!!! What a cutie he was!
Posted by: gayle | September 28, 2009 at 08:59 AM
Rest In Peace Little Man
Posted by: Rosemary Warmenhoven | September 28, 2009 at 08:47 AM
I'm so very sorry for your loss. (and ours, too) Even thought we don't get to meet the animals, we care about and stay close via your blog. At least he knew he was loved and was around caring people and animals for a short while before his passing. He will be missed.
Posted by: Barb Ribinski | September 28, 2009 at 08:30 AM
I am so, so sorry. This is a heartbreaker. At least he got to spend the last bit of his life with people who loved and cared for him.
Posted by: Amy | September 28, 2009 at 07:56 AM
OMG I cried..Poor wee Teddy such a cute wee man..I think he finally had perfection with a family who he knew could not have loved him more. May he go on to the rainbow bridge and dance and frolic with the other animals till we all meet our beloved pets again..Your blogs make me laugh and cry. Know that every day your comments touch the hearts of myself and my kids down here in New Zealand..Thank you both for loving and caring for these wonderful animals..Bless you both..
Posted by: Karin Gabrielsen | September 28, 2009 at 07:23 AM
Gosh, am so SORRY!!! I have tears running down my face here at work while reading about adorable Teddy's unexpected death!! With your loving care, he was able to enjoy his days with you two!!!
Posted by: Ellen M. Kays | September 28, 2009 at 07:03 AM
Oh, I didn't need to read this today. My breath caught and my tears started to fall as soon as I saw your headline. I fell in love with Teddy the day you introduced him and I hoped that each day's blog was about him--some update or story about him. I am so glad that he felt so much love and comfort in his last few months, so much so that he showed you his spunk and attitude! Love is having a little doggie curled up in your lap, asleep.
In an earlier post, I said that I was voting in honor of Teddy; now I will continue voting in memory of Teddy. I hope he is playing over the Bridge with Spirit, the little Yorkie who first introduced me to RDR.
Teddy was loved by many and is now missed by many. Thanks to you and the vets for taking such good care of him these last weeks.
Teddy, you'll always be loved and you'll never be forgotten.
Posted by: Amy | September 28, 2009 at 06:07 AM
I am so sorry for your loss. Bless you for taking care of him.
Posted by: John | September 28, 2009 at 05:52 AM
Dear Alayne & Steve, I'm crying as I'm typing this...
I, too, believe it's just terribly unfair that Teddy was allowed such a short time in the place where, at long last, he had known love, good food, sunny days, new friends to play with, comfy beds & chairs to sleep on and excellent veterinary care.
Once again, I wonder how you can cope with such heartbreak...:-(°°°
I truly admire you.
Please accept my heartfelt condolences.
A huge hug to you both from Italy.
Posted by: Carla Polastro-Nigro | September 28, 2009 at 04:44 AM
All my sympathies go to you and Alayne. You did so much for little Teddy! I am so sorry for your loss.
Posted by: Moon Rani | September 28, 2009 at 03:54 AM
I am so, so sorry, Steve and Alayne. I loved that little dog through the computer and it just breaks my heart he is gone. I find comfort that he lived his last days knowing he was loved and safe and valued. And in the end, isn't that all any of us need? Steve, the honesty in your writing is such a gift to us readers. You are an outstanding teacher and I am always so greatful for how you explain things in detail. I am so thankful for everything you and Alayne do for the animals. It's time like this I am reminded that I need to send more donation money so the two of you can continue your amazing journey to help animals that others have given up on. I pray for God to bless you both and give you strength and comfort.
Posted by: Kim | September 28, 2009 at 02:14 AM
I'm sitting here, crying with you - and for you. SO sorry to read about little Teddy. SO glad to know that he was surrounded by love and knew he could go peacefully. Thank you for your faithfulness to these little ones. May God bless you and give you peace tonight and in the days ahead!
Posted by: Alisa | September 28, 2009 at 02:09 AM
Well darn it. I just had a feeling before I checked it that your post for today was not going to be good news, so I put it off, guess I was right. Just take comfort in knowing that you gave little Teddy the best you could & that he was loved by not only you but all your followers. Who wouldn't love that scruffy little face? His last few weeks were probably his happiest thanks to you & Alayne. Bless you & again thanks for all you do.
Posted by: Kathy | September 28, 2009 at 02:03 AM
Dear Alayne and Steve
Passing of Teddy leaves a heartache no one can heal; His love and grace leaves a memory no one can steal.
I am saddened by passing of much loved Teddy
Posted by: Mehdi | September 28, 2009 at 01:09 AM
Bless your hearts for the love and time you give these animals. Teddy is no exception. It was a blessing to him to have his time with you in the end, to be surrounded by love and caring at the time of his passing. Thank you for all you do and for loving dogs like Teddy when the rest of the world has walked out.
Posted by: Anna Espinoza | September 28, 2009 at 12:17 AM