I wasn't going to write about this. Especially for a start-of-the-week blog post.
We've had too many losses this year, and I know quite a few of our regular readers were getting emotional fatigue in recent months from logging on to the blog and having to reach for the Kleenex box too many times.
But I decided last night this was a story that needed to be told. It's not really about the one we lost -- our old blind horse Scout -- but about the buddy he left behind, our old mule Roy. I wrote last October how these two senior gentlemen had become the best of friends.
For the past two weeks we'd been battling a severe case of laminitis with Scout. Laminitis can be caused by any number of "triggers." Our equine vet and surgeon, Dr. Erin Taylor, had been out here to treat him, and we thought we had turned the corner. But Saturday morning Scout could barely move. He was trying to shift as much of his weight from his front hooves to his back hooves, so when he walked, he looked like he was going to fall over backwards. It was the most awkward thing I'd seen in a horse. It was painful to watch.
I called Erin, who had me give Scout a large dose of acepromazine and additional anti-inflammatories, and then asked me to bring him in to Missoula and she'd meet me at the clinic. We X-rayed his front hooves, and as she slid the images onto the lightboard, she said, "This is not good." I could immediately tell what had happened. And I knew what it meant. In both feet the coffin bone -- also called the pedal bone or P3, the bottom bone in the leg that sits inside the hoof -- had separated from the hoof wall. In his left foot the coffin bone was pointed almost straight down, and was only a few millimeters from coming through the sole of his foot. Scout had to be in agony.
I leaned back against the wall, tears welling up. Erin told me about our options. One was to try and alleviate his pain and discomfort to the extent that was even possible, knowing we were only buying some time. As Erin put it, "At the cost of what suffering?" Or we could let him go. There was nothing we could do to reverse the rotation of the coffin bone. I called Alayne to tell her what we had found, and we agreed the only humane thing was to let him go. So Erin and I walked Scout slowly out to a field behind the clinic. As I put my arms around this old horse's neck and cried, Erin pulled up fresh green grass with her hands from the field and fed it to Scout. He munched quietly for several minutes, enjoying every bit of it.
Finally, Erin injected the first syringe of the euthanasia drug into a catheter in his neck, and then I handed her the second syringe. As she finished injecting the remaining dose, Scout stood there for a few seconds, wobbled back and forth, and then collapsed to the ground.
When I had left the ranch that morning with Scout, we had turned his friend Roy loose, letting him wander at will. Roy has been eager to get out and graze, and he always loves to explore, so we figured he'd be content to spend the warm, sunny spring day wandering the ranch. (Roy can see.) But he never ventured from the area around Beauty's Barn, where he and Scout lived.
As I drove back in with the horse trailer Saturday afternoon, Alayne -- who was at Beauty's Barn doing chores -- told me that Roy watched me drive past the barn and continue on to the house. He hee-hawed as I went by, thinking Scout was on board and coming back. Roy was still staring at the trailer as I got out of the truck and walked inside the house. Thinking that somehow he had missed me unloading Scout, Roy walked into Beauty's Barn to look for his friend. But Scout wasn't there.
For the rest of the afternoon and evening, Roy stood in the barn aisle, right next to Scout's stall, waiting. It broke our hearts to watch him like this. He would disappear out the south door of the barn, nibble on some grass or the hay stacked outside, then come back in and stand vigil next to the stall.
I put the dogs up at Widget's House last night at 9 p.m. and walked over to Beauty's Barn, and I could see Roy's silhouette in the darkened barn aisle. He was still there. I walked into the barn and hugged this old mule. Judging from the piles of poop in the aisle, I could tell he had rarely left that spot.
That's when I realized I wanted to tell this story. Too many people don't think of equines this way ... as sensitive, thinking, emotional animals who form intense bonds with one another. But they do get attached, and they definitely feel the loss when their buddy disappears.
I walked back down to the house, got the camera, and returned to Beauty's Barn. That's when I took the photo above of Roy looking at Scout's stall. He wasn't too wild about the flash going off, so he went out the south door and then turned around to look back in:
Today, 24 hours after I returned with an empty trailer, Roy still hasn't ventured more than 20 yards from that barn door. We're going to give him a little more time to come to terms with Scout's death, and then we'll see who we can pair him up with. But for now, our hearts ache as much for Roy as for gentle old Scout.
Heartbreaking to read and heartbreaking to write for you Steve. Our thoughts are with you and glad to see that Roy is venturing out and making new friends.
Posted by: Tracy | May 24, 2008 at 10:40 AM
I am so sorry about Scout.I hope Roy feels better with time, horses get so attached to their buddies, they are so emotional it even cauese then to colic sometimes when they lose a buddy. God bless Roy, Steve & Alayne & the whole Rolling Dog crew.
Posted by: Mary Young | May 23, 2008 at 09:05 AM
Reading about Scout's untimely death, and his dear buddy Roy missing him sure did make me break out in tears at work!! Am SO GLAD Scout was with you both, he was able to enjoy life and develop a close bond with Roy. I hope Roy can find a new buddy soon!! Hang in there, you both are WONDERFUL!!!
Ellen M. Kays
Posted by: Ellen M. Kays | May 20, 2008 at 09:11 AM
Our animal friends not only bring us humans joy, but also their animal buddies. Scout has now become that special angel to watch over ol' Roy. My sympathies to all of you at the Ranch.
Posted by: Shelli Smith | May 19, 2008 at 11:46 PM
Thanks for sharing Roy and Scout's story. My heart goes out to all of you at the ranch.
Posted by: Nina | May 19, 2008 at 08:54 PM
Oh no. I am thankful that Scout is out of his misery, although it must have been a very hard decision to make, but my heart breaks for poor Roy. Of course the horses, as well as dogs and cats, can form strong emotional bonds, and I am so sorry that Roy is going through such an intense loss right now. If it is so hard for you, imagine how much the pain is magnified for Roy, who only know that his friend was hurting and then he went away and didn't come back. Please spend extra human time with him for the next weeks and months, and, when the time is right, start introducing him to new equine buddies. Oh, Roy - I am so sorry for you all.
Posted by: maggie | May 19, 2008 at 06:07 PM
Good thoughts and prayers with you all. Scout is looking down on his buddy from the bridge.
Please let us know in the next few weeks how Roy is doing and if he has made a new friend. Poor old mule - big hugs and kisses to him.
Posted by: Lisa | May 19, 2008 at 05:43 PM
This just breaks my heart. Whenver I read about the loss of one of your animals, I cry, but this hit me harder than most! I know that you'll find Roy a buddy soon.
My best to you all, and admiration for the amazing work that you do.
Posted by: Claudia | May 19, 2008 at 03:55 PM
Erin giving Scout a special snack in his final moments is an amazing example of the love and compassion all of you have for your animals in their best and worst times.
And I'm one of those people who never realized how sensitive equines can be until I started reading more about them. Poor Roy.
Posted by: Rebecca M. | May 19, 2008 at 03:49 PM
Thank you for sharing Scout & Roys story with us. I believe when we share pain as well as joy about our beloved four-leggeds we save at least one more. How can anyone deny that they have feelings when reading a love story like this one? Godspeed Scout! I know you are in an even greener field munching on the sweet grass. Now we take care of Roy............Steve and Alayne, you are his angels. God bless!
Marcia
Posted by: Marcia Hughes | May 19, 2008 at 03:35 PM
Thank you so much for sharing this painful story. It is a very important one for people to hear. What you guys do with dogs and cats is tough enough - the limits to equine medicine due to physiology must be so heartbreaking at times. You give all these animals something they wouldn't have had which is quality time. I believe that's the most important gift we have to give them.
Posted by: Morgan | May 19, 2008 at 03:26 PM
Animals grieve, as surely as people do, albeit perhaps differently.
This story DID bring tears to my eyes--but sometimes that's an okay thing.
Hugs to you, and extra hugs and scritches behind the ear to Roy.
Posted by: megan rocker | May 19, 2008 at 02:47 PM
Poor Roy, but you did the right thing for Scout. And do not spend two seconds worrying about the emotional fatigue of your readers. We know that the happy joyful stories and animals is what Rolling Dog Ranch is all about. The end of a joyful life is sad, but only in a very bittersweet way.
I think WE worry more about YOUR emotional fatigue! Take care of yourselves above all.
Love to each and all, Nancy
Posted by: Nancy | May 19, 2008 at 12:38 PM
I look forward to reading your blog each day. Most days bring smiles and some days bring tears. This is one of the tear days. Thanks for the work that you do with the animals. Scout was surrounded by love - you gave him that. I will certainly think about Roy and hope that he finds another special someone. He is seems to have the love in his heart to share with another friend in need of companionship. RIP Scout.
Posted by: Suzanne | May 19, 2008 at 11:49 AM
No, it's never easy for us out here to read about the deaths of the animals. However, I don't think any of us would not want to hear about it. We come to love these animals through your stories and we feel bonded to them even though we can't actually be there to love on them. If nothing else, besides a donation for your work, we can help you perhaps by listening and letting you vent and by responding that we share your tears. So you don't need to protect us, we need to know, and it's the least we can do for you.
I really hope you are able to match Roy up with someone who can be his pal and provide him with a companion's love.
My best to you all. Please hug Roy for me.
Posted by: Mircat | May 19, 2008 at 11:46 AM
Thank you for sharing your wonderful animals with us. There are more happy tears and feelings from your stories than the tears we share in your sadness.(And yes, there are many of those.) God bless your efforts and I hope Roy will find a new friend soon.
Marilyn
Posted by: Marilyn Stack | May 19, 2008 at 11:21 AM
This exact same thing happened when we lost our old boy, Vanya, my dog. Our dog that we adopted to be Vanya's buddy was so despondent, even though we had let him see Vanya after he had been euthanized. But he wouldn't go anywhere except where Vanya lay in our house and constantly looked out the windows for Vanya. We adopted our next dog, only two weeks after Vanya's death. But we needed to do it for Buster, our dog. Ivan was seriously abused, so Buster, my husband and I put our full focus on normalizing Ivan. It saved Buster, I believe, from a permanent broken heart. I'm so sorry for your loss and for Roy. Anyone that says that animals don't have emotions are just idiots.
Posted by: Jen | May 19, 2008 at 11:18 AM
I am so sorry to hear about your loosing Scout. I hope you find comfort in knowing you did the right thing for him by letting him pass on to the rainbow bridge.
My heart aches for Roy as well, such a sweet guy and the last posted picture needs no words to describe his heart.
Huge hugs to you, Alayne and Roy.
Our thoughts are with you....
Posted by: Boundforglory | May 19, 2008 at 10:56 AM
I hope that Roy will find another friend like Scout. Rest in peace Scout.
Posted by: Clay | May 19, 2008 at 10:08 AM
I always look forward to reading the news, whatever it is, about the ranch and the precious animals who live there. And the work you and Alayne do on a daily basis is fascinating and full of love and strong character. I know you will find a way to help Roy cope with the loss of his good friend. And may Scout rest in peace.
Posted by: Angela | May 19, 2008 at 10:01 AM
So sorry about your loss of Scout. Hope Roy finds another loving pal.
Posted by: Nancy | May 19, 2008 at 09:00 AM
Thank you for sharing ths story. I am so sorry for your loss. Roy does have a kissable face. Kiss him for me, and RIP dear Scout. God Bless you both and your critters.
Posted by: Debbie | May 19, 2008 at 08:30 AM
Thank you for telling us about this, it must be so hard to retell it.
Please give poor Roy lots of hugs and kisses for me. It is so painful to lose such a dear friend.
Posted by: Lauren | May 19, 2008 at 08:24 AM
We are only able to know true joy when we know sadness.....thank you for reminding us of the depth of our animal friends-their ability to love and mourn are all part of their unique being. As always, your readers mourn with you and share your burden. Many thanks for all you do. RIP dear Scout.
Posted by: maryr | May 19, 2008 at 08:02 AM
You guys have been through the emotional wringer for many months...at times I find myself wondering how you manage to go on...and yet, you do. Please give Roy a big hug from me, and know that you are all in our prayers.
Posted by: Debbie | May 19, 2008 at 07:28 AM
Dear Alayne, Steve & Roy, I've just finished drying my eyes after reading of Scout's passing and Roy's reaction to it. My heart goes out to the three of you. Steve's touching words make me feel your pain even from thousands of miles away.
I do hope Roy can soon find another "best friend" to bond with.
Posted by: Carla Polastro-Nigro | May 19, 2008 at 05:20 AM
Yes, it's heartbreaking (Kleenex here too) and yes, you are going through it and yes, it is a story very much worth sharing... So thank you Steve, for reliving the emotions in telling us. Hugs for you all and a BIG one for Roy.
Posted by: Jessica, NL | May 19, 2008 at 04:04 AM
I, too, recently lost my best friend (the plain old two-legged human kind) and I still feel lost. Our sadness isn't for those who have gone before us, but for those left behind. I hope that with time and your love and attention, Roy's grieving will ease and that he will be open to another best friend and companion. Of course, no one will ever replace Scout in Roy's heart but hopefully there is room for a new buddy.
Posted by: Amy | May 19, 2008 at 02:51 AM
oh my gosh. that is such a sad blog. Poor Roy!
thinking of you all :(
Posted by: Sarah NZ | May 19, 2008 at 02:46 AM
This is so heartbreaking I cried like a baby. I'm so sorry for your and Roy's loss. I hope time and a new buddy would help mend Roy's broken heart.
Rest in peace, Scout.
Posted by: yoonamaniac | May 19, 2008 at 02:16 AM
Thanks for telling us this touching story, Steve. It's a fitting tribute - just like Scout mourned the loss of his friend Tonto, so does Roy mourn the loss of his friend Scout. It breaks my heart to look at those pictures... I hope you find Roy a new buddy soon, so that he won't be sad anymore.
Posted by: Kristen D. | May 19, 2008 at 12:28 AM
In reading others comments, I realize that there's not a whole lot more I can add to their warm sentiments, except to extend my heartfelt sympathy to you & Alayne & precious Roy. Should I ever encounter anyone who still doesn't believe that all animals can bond, love and grieve a best friend's loss, I will surely relate the beautiful and touching story of Scout & Roy. May that sweet li'l ole horse now run the green fields of Heaven, forever young and painfree. God bless you for giving him some Heaven while here on Earth. Hugs to everyone at RDR.
Posted by: Barbara Arenal | May 18, 2008 at 11:56 PM
Oh poor Roy. Scout is out of pain and although he will be sadly missed, he is at peace after a wonderful life at RDR. I will keep all of you in my prayers and add a special one for Roy...to find another friend and companion to fill the void in his life. He is a lesson in true friendship and compassion.
Posted by: Karen | May 18, 2008 at 11:55 PM
I am so sorry to hear about Scout, but in the condition he was in, it was definitely the right decision.
Poor Roy, he will grieve but he will, given time, move past it. I lost my riding partner last year at 18 to colic. And though we all cried, my heart was not the only one to break - her barn mate pined as much as I. Like Roy, she called out, hung around in the same haunts, waiting for her friend by her stall. We both found comfort by grieving together and eventually overcame the pain. Roy is going through the same process, so please spend some time with him - he needs a buddy now.
Yes, you will grieve for Scout, but just remember what a wonderful life he had with you at RDR.
Posted by: Anna | May 18, 2008 at 11:48 PM
My thoughts go out to Roy as he keeps his silent vigil for his friend Scout. And my heart goes out to you Steve and Alayne for yet another loss that must be difficult to take. But thank goodness there's a place like the Rolling Dog Ranch where an old mule and a blind horse can find true friendship. And where hopefully once again Roy will find happiness with a four-legged friend.
Posted by: Peggy Fields | May 18, 2008 at 11:21 PM
Please hug each other and Roy for me. I am so sorry for your loss.
Posted by: Karen Coleman | May 18, 2008 at 10:43 PM
I don't think I can take any more sobbing sunday nights :) That one hit me hard. I do some work with rescue donkeys so know how sensitive they can be. Mules are more like donkeys then horses, so I can understand Roy's behavior. Find a pal for him quick.
Posted by: Lisa James | May 18, 2008 at 09:53 PM
Poor, old Scout, and poor, old Roy! Thank you for telling us about them in the first place, and for letting us know this story, too. May Scout rest in peace, and may Roy find a new dear friend. My sympathies to you, Steve and Alayne.
Posted by: Moon Rani | May 18, 2008 at 09:21 PM
Please give Roy extra hugs from me, as I know he is missing Scout something fierce. You did right by Scout, & I know it wasn't an easy decision. I extend my sympathy to Roy, you & Alayne.
With special hugs,
ginger, Tobias & Tlingit
Posted by: ginger & Tobias (the greythound) | May 18, 2008 at 08:39 PM
Rest in peace dear Scout.
Posted by: Shirley & James, Portland, OR | May 18, 2008 at 08:28 PM
This is one of the most tender stories...my heart goes out to Roy--he must be so confused. Do you think he will bond with another? I didn't think I would cry so much over a mule and a horse relationship but here I sit with tears flowing. PLEASE, PLEASE keep us posted on Roy--I'm worried for him.
Posted by: Shirley & James, Portland, OR | May 18, 2008 at 08:27 PM
RIP, sweet Scout. You were a good friend to Roy, who misses you terribly. Founder is horrible and the only kind way to treat an advanced case is by euthanasia. It is incredibly painful and can't be "fixed." It's what ultimately caused Barbaro's demise.
Please, Steve and Alayne, don't apologize for telling us of another death in your family. Although it's sad, it's part of each animal's story and your story with them. Death happens.
I'm glad you pointed out how attached animals get to each other. Yes, they are very sentient beings with huge personalities and feelings. They really do understand things we almost never give them credit for. I have known several horses who clearly had wonderful senses of humor and would make me laugh and laugh at their antics. They knew what they were doing!
Roy, Steve and Alayne will find you another companion, I know they will. I'm so sorry for your loss. You are a handsome old mule. I kiss your sweet face.
Posted by: Janet in Cambridge | May 18, 2008 at 07:25 PM
So very sorry for your loss / so very sorry for Roy's loss of his dear friend.
Posted by: Karen | May 18, 2008 at 06:53 PM
So sorry to hear about your loss of Scout. My heart goes out to all three of you (this includes Old Roy).
With deepest sympathy... Karrie
Posted by: Karrie Baker | May 18, 2008 at 06:39 PM