This time he was ready.
Back in mid-January, I had posted about our chronically ill deaf cat Snowball and how we had almost decided to euthanize him because of his worsening condition. But my hunch then was that there might be something else going on with him, and I asked our vets to run whatever tests they needed to rule out any other possible cause of his latest downhill spiral. It turned out he had developed a serious heart condition called hypertrophic cardiomyopathy. With appropriate heart medications, he turned the corner, began eating again and feeling so much better.
Then, a few weeks ago, he started deteriorating again. This time we learned that the medication for his oral disease -- the stomatitis -- had caused stomach ulcers. But more alarming, new blood tests showed that Snowball's kidneys were beginning to fail, and that put us in a Catch-22. He needed fluid therapy for his kidneys, but because of his congestive heart failure, he was on Lasix to prevent fluid retention ... so more fluids would only make matters worse. For the past two weeks, Snowball had been in the hospital while our vets, Brenda and Britt Culver, tried to find the right therapeutic balance to treat all of his conditions. But his kidney values continued to get worse, and he wasn't eating enough to sustain himself, so his weight kept dropping. By last Friday it was apparent there wasn't much more they could do for him. Alayne brought him home Friday evening so he could spend his last few days with us.
I continued to give him his medications every day, but the last time he wanted to eat anything was Sunday morning. We put out fresh food twice a day, loved him up, but he wouldn't eat. This morning when I went in to medicate him and try to interest him in breakfast, I noticed he was having difficulty breathing once more. This meant the fluid was building up in his chest again. Snowball was curled up in his round fleece bed, sleeping, and I watched his sides rise and fall with every labored breath. He finally raised his head up and looked at me, and I could tell it was time. And I knew he was ready. He had struggled enough.
I called the clinic to let them know I was bringing Snowball in, and then Alayne came out with me to the cottage for one last visit. We had a good cry in there while I cuddled Snowball, and Alayne took this final photo of me with our sweet deaf boy. He was the gentlest, most mellow cat I have ever known.
I drove over to our vet clinic in Helena, and Dr. Jennifer Rockwell was waiting for us. I held Snowball while Jennifer inserted the catheter in his vein. He was sitting up on a blanket on the exam table, perfectly still, as the drug entered his bony little body. After a few seconds, I realized he was limp, and I gently laid him over on his side while Jennifer finished injecting the rest of the euthanasia solution. I looked down at my watch, and it was 12:44 p.m. He was gone.
We love you, Snowball. You sweet, sweet boy.
You gave Snowball the very best love & care possible. Thank you for all that you did for him. Letting him go when it was his time was the right thing to do. My sympathy goes out to you & Alayne during this time of loss.
With special hugs,
ginger, Toibas & Tlingit
Posted by: ginger & Tobias (the greythound) | April 03, 2008 at 09:22 AM
OMG Snowball reminded me so much of my own "old man" we lost almost 5 years ago...he was 21 when he disappeared...we had him from 6 weeks old...Rest now snowball and when you are ready go on to the rainbow bridge...Peace and love..Karin..
Posted by: Karin Gabrielsen | April 02, 2008 at 11:14 PM
It is nice to know that their are people who truly love our furry friends, and will give them the very best they can. Steve and Alayne you are the best and Snowball will be sadley missed.
Posted by: Kathy Duffy | April 02, 2008 at 08:31 PM
It is nice to know that their are people who truley love our furry friends, and will give them the very best they can. Steve and Alayne you are the best and Snowball will be sadley missed.
Posted by: Kathy Duffy | April 02, 2008 at 08:27 PM
Very sorry to hear of your loss. It sounds like little Snowball received much love from you both. I just lot my own little Kitty March 29.
Posted by: Kelly Warren | April 02, 2008 at 05:59 PM
Dear Steve and Alayne,
So sorry about Snowball, what a sweetie. He sure knew he was loved a whole lots, thanks for taking such good care of him.
Lisa in CA
Posted by: Lisa Lashaway | April 02, 2008 at 05:15 PM
I am so sorry for your loss of dear snowball. I hope you know that you two are wonderful people and my personal hero's. I wish that someday I could be doing the same thing that you two are. Giving animals the best life possible. Goodbye snowball may you rest in peace.
Posted by: Ashley | April 02, 2008 at 04:15 PM
What a beautiful picture to remember snowball
Posted by: gayle | April 02, 2008 at 03:13 PM
Steve, you said in January that your goal was to get Snowball to see another Rocky Mountain spring. You did it. There still might be snow outside your window but spring graced RDR and Snowball was there to enjoy it. Thank you (and Alayne) for all that you do. When the warm breeze finally blows in you can smile and think of Snowball purring in Heaven.
Posted by: Candace | April 02, 2008 at 02:26 PM
I'm so so sorry Steven and Alayne, he was such a good boy and such a lucky cat to have you as his family.
Posted by: Jen | April 02, 2008 at 02:18 PM
I understand how hard it is to see a beloved friend deteriorate so quickly. My heart goes out to you both.
Posted by: Shelli Smith | April 02, 2008 at 02:01 PM
Sorry to hear about snowball. Can you tell me what medication he was on for Stomatitis? I have two with Stomatitis.Thank you both for giving him the best home possible. Deidra
Posted by: DT | April 02, 2008 at 01:30 PM
Dear Alayne and Steve,
I'm so sorry about your loss of precious Snowball. Many thoughts and prayers are going out to you.
Posted by: Nancy in SC | April 02, 2008 at 01:13 PM
Steve and Alayne- Snowball clearly totally entrusted you with his heart and soul to do the right thing, and hard as it is, you did... providing him a wonderful life at RDR for as long as he wanted. So sorry for your loss of dear Snowball. We cry with you.
Posted by: Margaret | April 02, 2008 at 01:06 PM
I'm so sorry Snowball didn't see another Rocky Mountain Spring -- as you hoped he might in your blog a few weeks ago - but he did see the love in your eyes.
Posted by: Helen Rietz | April 02, 2008 at 12:42 PM
I'm so sorry about Snowball. It must have been such a wrench to realize that it was "time".
I went back and re-read Snowball's story. From living in such awful surroundings to finding you, he must have thought he'd already died and gone to heaven. You gave him a loving, peaceful, CLEAN home, which I'm sure he hadn't known before. In that last picture, it looks like he's saying, "Thank you, Steve. See you on the other side."
Posted by: jeanne | April 02, 2008 at 11:32 AM
You two are awesome folks. For every heartbreak brings another critter to you. Sweet Snowball knew he was loved. God Bless you both and all your critters.
Posted by: Debbie | April 02, 2008 at 11:17 AM
My sympathies go out to you on the loss of sweet Snowball.
Posted by: Moon Rani | April 02, 2008 at 11:07 AM
I am so sorry for your loss. You gave him a wonderful life at the Ranch. Thank You!
Posted by: Lahna Zandi | April 02, 2008 at 11:01 AM
What a beautiful picture. And I send my deep sympathy for the loss of little Snowball. I was thinking after reading this that Snowball has been in heaven on earth and now he is in another heaven. Steve and Alayne, your love for these animals is the ultimate gift and I hope you can take some comfort in always knowing that regardless of the final outcome. That is the way I cope with sorrows that have to do with animals I love or have loved.
Posted by: Angela | April 02, 2008 at 10:03 AM
Steve and Alayne,
I'm so sorry for your loss of the beautiful kitty, Snowball. Please accept my sympathies...
Rosemary
Posted by: Rosemary Furnell | April 02, 2008 at 10:01 AM
That last picture is a beautiful one.
So sorry for your loss.
Posted by: megan rocker | April 02, 2008 at 09:44 AM
I'm so sorry for the loss of your dear, sweet Snowball.
You took excellent care of him and kept aware of the signs that he was ready to leave his frail body. Bless you for your strength and compassion.
You're in my thoughts.
I know Snowball is with his rolling dog friends and in a healthy, free dimension.
Posted by: Boundforglory | April 02, 2008 at 09:19 AM
Man - this so hits home - I have two burmese boys myself - 12 and 13 years old - and even though they are in "good health" and indoor cats - I am glad every day that they are with me and I hope they live another 12 and 13 years - it's too hard to lose an animal companion - especially since they all love unconditionally.
Good journey Snowball.
Posted by: Tracye J. | April 02, 2008 at 08:17 AM
RIP sweet Snowball. You were such a lucky kitty to live out your life at RDR with the best animals and humans around. I'm guessing you really enjoyed yourself. But, as Steve said, it was time. I kiss your sweet face.
Steve and Alayne--My condolences. Each death is bittersweet and so tough to deal with.
Posted by: Janet in Cambridge | April 02, 2008 at 07:46 AM
Godspeed Snowball....I am so glad you got to spend your last couple of days surrounded by those you loved the most. Steve and Alayne, my deepest sympathies to you both on the loss of yet another of your beloved companions. You do such good work, under such an emotional burder. Please know how much you are appreciated!!
Posted by: Debbie | April 02, 2008 at 07:39 AM
Am so sorry about Snowball's death, yet he was able to enjoy life again thanks to you two!! I know from personal experiences it is NEVER easy saying GOODBYE to your beloved furry friends.
Posted by: Ellen M. Kays | April 02, 2008 at 07:33 AM
Snowball was a lucky boy indeed. He had known enormous love from those at RDR. That says it all.
Run Free Snowball. You were loved.
Kae Norman
Rescued With Love Inc.
Posted by: Kae | April 02, 2008 at 06:45 AM
Our thoughts are with you
Posted by: Lalla and Sasha | April 02, 2008 at 05:33 AM
I am so sorry about Snowball, but you both gave him the best home he could have ever wanted and he was with those that loved him best. Choosing to euthanize a beloved friend is so hard and yet you still feel deep down good about the choice. Feb 18th I had had to make that decision for my 3 year old corgi, but though it was one of the hardest things I've ever done, I was so happy I could be there with him at the end. You are all always in my thoughts!
Posted by: Sarah | April 02, 2008 at 05:01 AM
Dear Alayne & Steve, once again I'm wondering how you can possibly cope with so much heartbreak...
My eyes are filled with tears as I think of Snowball at the Rainbow Bridge, breathing freely at last and basking in the sun, feeling grateful for all the TLC you gave him.
May you find some peace and comfort in knowing that you did everything humanly possible for sweet Snowball, until it was the right time to let him go. It's what love is all about, isn't it?
Hugs from Italy to you both.
Posted by: Carla Polastro-Nigro | April 02, 2008 at 04:24 AM
The picture says it all! :(
Goodbye Snowball.
Posted by: Andrew, NZ | April 02, 2008 at 03:12 AM
I'm so sorry. Snowball was a beautiful cat and obviously much loved. We should all be so lucky.
Reading this blog reminds me of what I'll be facing somewhere down the line. One of my cats (Loki) was just at the vet yesterday having his last seven teeth removed. He doesn't have stomatitis (although another one of my cats does), just really bad teeth, but he does have a mild case of hypertrophic cardiomyopathy and early stage kidney disease. Neither requires medication right now and Loki is a happy, fairly active kitty, but I read about Snowball and know I will be facing the same thing down the road. Still, I treasure having Loki, just as I'm sure you treasure be able to have had Snowball.
Posted by: eek | April 02, 2008 at 02:23 AM
That picture of Steve and Snowball really breaks my heart. After I read the blog I'm either smiling or crying. Tonight I cry for the loss of Snowball. It's a blessing he was so well loved!
Posted by: Shirley & James, Portland, OR | April 02, 2008 at 01:02 AM
RIP Snowball..
Tomorrow is the 1 yr anniversary for my darling Tiga, he was my little man and I miss him everyday. I know that I gave him the best life I could and he went knowing his mom loved him.
They never truly leave us..
Forever in our hearts.
Posted by: Maree | April 01, 2008 at 11:47 PM
Oh dear, sweet Snowball. The picture shows how much your human poppa loves you. Human momma and all your human friends love you too. Rest peacefully, dear one. Please say "hi" to my beloved Thackery who went before you just a few short weeks ago.
Steve and Alayne, as Steve so wisely advised me a few weeks ago, hug your other fuzzy babies, keep them close, and let yourselves grieve. Only the passage of time can heal,and if I could speed that along for you two every time you lost a beloved animal, I would. Take care of each other.
Posted by: Heidi & the kitties | April 01, 2008 at 11:39 PM
I have to be honest in saying that sometimes I hesitate reading the blogs....knowing that there is a possibility...another wonderful friend has been taken away and yet I keep returning and reading and "something" keeps bringing me back; perhaps the unspoken love between you and the animals who love you and give you their unconditional love in which there can be no greater gift and in todays sometimes cruel world....this makes me happy. Rest in peace, angel.
Posted by: Cora | April 01, 2008 at 11:12 PM
I am so so sorry to hear about Snowball. He was such a handsome, good boy, and he was certainly a fighter - he was given more than his fair share of hard knocks in the health department, but that he held on so long with such a good quality of life is a testament to you, Steve and Alayne. Thank you for loving him and for listening to him.
Goodbye, sweetheart.
Posted by: maggie | April 01, 2008 at 11:08 PM
Your picture with Snowball is the true meaning of the phrase a picture is worth a thousand words. I am sorry for your loss, he was a beautiful cat.
Posted by: Michele | April 01, 2008 at 10:56 PM
Godspeed Snowball. Steve and Alayne-because of you, Snowball knew love, comfort and safety. You gave the gift of your heart and he left you with the promise of many memories to fill the void you now feel. God bless and comfort you as you both continue to inspire us.
Posted by: maryr | April 01, 2008 at 10:28 PM
Steve and Alayne...even when it's the right thing to do, it's never easy. Prayers and hugs heading your way tonight.
Posted by: Jamie Williams | April 01, 2008 at 10:22 PM
I am so very sorry for your loss. Rest well, Snowball.
Posted by: yoonamaniac | April 01, 2008 at 10:14 PM
So sorry guys. I don't know how you do it, but I am glad you do.
Posted by: Vickie | April 01, 2008 at 09:21 PM
My heart is with you Steve and Alayne over the loss of sweet Snowball. White cats are very special. I am glad he had a little more time with you and he did get to see "spring" Wishing you peace.
Posted by: Leigh | April 01, 2008 at 09:06 PM
That last picture says it all, Steve. How you and Alayne love these creatures.
Posted by: Kay Stemnock | April 01, 2008 at 09:01 PM
So sorry to hear about Snowball. Good to hear that he was able to spend time at the end with his beloved family. My sympathies to you both.
Posted by: Nina | April 01, 2008 at 08:53 PM
Thank you for lovin' up on him.
Hugs for everybody.
Posted by: Miranda | April 01, 2008 at 08:51 PM
Godspeed little angel. Your story has touched me deeply and I am grateful for the love and devotion you were shown by Steve and Alayne.
Posted by: Victoria Hopkins | April 01, 2008 at 08:46 PM
I'm so sorry to hear about Snowball, but thank you for bringing him home so he could spend his last hours with the people he loved and who loved him.
God speed to Rainbow Bridge, little Snowball. Rest in peace!
Posted by: Sonya Brooks | April 01, 2008 at 08:22 PM
Oh dear, sweet, Snowball.
It's a real shame that he's gone, and that you won't be able to see his handsome face every day, but at least you'll know that he had the best life he could possibly have had.
You have my condolences, and I am deeply sorry for your loss.
Goodbye Snowball, we'll miss you so.
-Kylie Payeur.
Posted by: Kylie Payeur | April 01, 2008 at 08:21 PM