The last of our original Seattle cats, Missy, died today in our vet clinic in Helena. We've had her for ten years, after getting her from a cat rescue group that hadn't been able to adopt her out. Missy had short, twisted back legs, a stumpy, Z-shaped tail, and she kind of waddled like a drunk rabbit. The rescue group told us that people would be interested in adopting her ... until they saw her. Then they'd pick another cat.
A week ago, when our vet Dr. Brenda Culver was here doing the annual cat health day, we had tried to draw blood and urine from Missy. She had been drinking a lot of water again, which made me suspect a urinary tract infection or kidney problems. We had gone through this about two months ago -- I was convinced she was in chronic renal failure -- but it turned out she had a simple urinary tract infection. Antibiotics had cleared it up. So when she started her excessive water consumption, Brenda and I thought it might be another UTI. But Missy didn't cooperate, and Brenda took her back to the clinic with her.
Lab tests seemed to indicate another urinary tract infection, and by Wednesday we planned to head to Helena to pick her up. But that morning Brenda called and said Missy had suddenly taken a turn for the worse. She didn't want to eat and seemed lethargic. Brenda wanted to keep her at the clinic to monitor her. On Thursday Missy hadn't improved, and Brenda called to ask if they could do some additional tests, along with ultrasound.
Yesterday (Friday) afternoon, she called to say they had discovered Missy had an aggressive mast cell tumor and the cancer cells had spread throughout her body. Missy didn't have long to live, maybe only a few days. I sat in the chair, holding the phone, processing the news.
Missy had always been a sickly little thing. We had already removed all of her teeth because of a chronic stomatitis infection, and she had been on long-term steroid therapy to keep the stomatitis at bay. That suppressed her immune system, leaving her susceptible to recurring respiratory infections. At one point we had to move her out of the cat house and into one of the dog cottages because she kept picking up every bug the other cats might have, even if they were sub-clinical and showed no signs of illness. Ironically, in recent months she had been as healthy as we'd ever known her.
And now this.
Then, last night about 8 p.m., Brenda called back to say Missy had deteriorated. Brenda and her husband Britt Culver, our internal medicine specialist there, had given her a blood transfusion and other supportive therapy earlier in the evening, but Missy's prognosis was grim. Brenda thought she would make it through the night. I told her I'd head to Helena in the morning to be with Missy.
So this morning I drove the 70 miles to Helena. Before I left, though, Brenda called to say Missy was starting to have seizures, a sign the cancer had just spread to her brain. They had injected her with Valium to control the seizures, and Brenda wanted me to know what to expect when I arrived.
That's what you see in the photo. This is what Missy looked like when I got there. This sweet little cat was pretty much gone -- she was zoned out from the Valium and didn't recognize I was there. I sat in a chair by her cage and petted her, crying the whole time. (I'm always an emotional wreck when it comes to this.) Even if Missy didn't know I was there, it's so important to Alayne and me that one of us is always there at the very end for our animals. At some level I think they do know, even in a condition like Missy's.
Finally, I told Brenda I was ready ... and I could tell Missy was ready too. Brenda slowly injected the euthanasia drug into the IV in Missy's front leg, and as I held her head, Missy slipped away.
I am so sorry, i dont no what to say, i lost my cat last year, the pain is still there, i am forever impressed with the love you and alayne have for each of your animals. kim
Posted by: kim | September 20, 2006 at 02:33 AM
No matter how many times we lose one of our furry friends, it is so hard. Steve - I would be worried about you if you weren't an emotional wreck about losing Missy.
Thank you for taking care of her, and loving her when noone else would. She knew you were there with her to the end. All my best.
Posted by: Leigh | September 19, 2006 at 07:08 PM
Steve and Alayne,
I don't think there is anything that could be said to make you feel better. But I am so very sorry for you, I have lost my share of beloved pets and I cry (no bawl) every time. As I read your letter, my heart broke for you both. You both are amazing and special. ALL of your animals are blessed to be with you. Every animal should have someone like you to be with them at the end. God Bless you both.
Posted by: Tina Jacobson | September 18, 2006 at 09:37 PM
It is so hard to lose them. I have a foster girl, Dottie that was a breeder and just dumped at the shelter. She had to have a mastectomy due to tumors. So she is recouperating with me until we get the lab results. She is so scared of everything. And so grateful for a kind word. But so pretty. It was wonderful of you to give her all of the care and love.
Posted by: LInda Lee Balkin | September 18, 2006 at 01:23 PM
Steve and Alayne: I am sooo sorry to hear about your loss of precious Missy. You gave her love and compassion. Animals know they are loved to the very end. You have my condolences.
Posted by: Nina | September 18, 2006 at 01:10 PM
I have cats of my own and have fostered and it doesn't matter whether you have them 10 days or 10 years, when you take them into your heart, it breaks when you have to put one down. I've never understood someone who doesn't stay with the animal at the end and I admire you for being there and loving your animal. I think it makes a difference also.
Posted by: Miranda | September 18, 2006 at 11:22 AM
My heart truly goes out to you. I'm certain Missy knew you were there, even as her soul departed her physical body. These things never get easier, do they, no matter how many times you have to go through them? (I'm far from dry-eyed as I type this comment.) But I suppose it's good to come unglued each and every time. It certainly shows how much your life (or mine or any other animal lover's) has become intertwined with those of the animals that have touched us. No doubt Missy is now at the Rainbow Bridge, frolicking about in a body that does everything she wants it to. And no doubt she's watching over all of you at RDR.
Posted by: Cathy | September 18, 2006 at 10:44 AM
Steve, I'm so sorry to learn of Missy's passing. You and Alayne took exceptional care of her; 10 years of a wonderful life! I'm sure she knew you were with her during her last moments. Bless you for your commitment to be there for her.
Sending you comfort, love and reflection during this very difficult time.
XOXOX
Posted by: Leilani | September 18, 2006 at 09:42 AM
Three old feline friends have slipped away in my arms. I'm convinced that at some level they're aware of, and comforted by, our presence. Please accept my condolences.
Posted by: Linda Metzger | September 17, 2006 at 03:59 PM
I'm soooo sorry to hear about Missy. It's always hard to lose an animal no matter if you are ready for it or not and no matter how long they have been with you. She received a better life with you and Alayne than she would have otherwise. She is now in cat heaven with no pain and running around like a normal cat! Love you guys!! Laura
Posted by: Laura Whale | September 17, 2006 at 03:54 PM
Oh, Steve and Alayne, it's so hard to part with our beloved companions. I know you'll miss Missy so much and how lucky she was that you two rescued her many years ago and provided her with love and care. I, also, have to be with my animals as they continue their journey. I feel certain Missy knew you were with her, Steve.
Posted by: Roz | September 17, 2006 at 12:06 PM
I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm sure Missy had a wonderful life with you!
P.S. What happened with Cinder and her kittens?
Posted by: Susan | September 17, 2006 at 11:58 AM
So sorry for your loss of Missy, reading this post reminds us all of the beloved pets we have all lost.
As tears run from our our eyes, we will remember with love all those pets and special friends that we have lost.
Once again, thankyou for all the love and care you give these animals.
I do vounteer work with JRT's in Ontario, Canada and hear so many sad stories, if only all animals could be so loved and cared for.
Posted by: Cathy | September 17, 2006 at 06:55 AM
I am so very sorry about Missy. This is so very sad. You gave her such great care, Steve & Alayne, & a wonderful home that she would not have had anywhere else. She will live on in your hearts.
With hugs of comfort,
ginger & Tobias
Posted by: ginger & Tobias (the greythound) | September 17, 2006 at 12:26 AM
So sorry to hear about Missy. No matter how many times you go through the loss of a pet- it never gets any easier. I too, think they know that we are there- even if they seem like they don't. I'm sure your presence was a comfort to her.
On a happier note- looking forward to updates on the kittens. Loved the pictures (so tiny!). Keep up the amazing work. I end every night reading your blog. It makes me feel good to hear about the wonderful things you do for your animals. You are two truly amazing people!
Take care,
Traci
Posted by: Traci | September 17, 2006 at 12:04 AM