Laddie Died Today

This was one of those days we had dreaded for a long time.

Laddie was our blind Arabian who had lived with a major orthopedic problem for years.  His left front knee was very arthritic and swollen, and he walked with a limp.  Laddie had required regular cortisone injections in his knee and daily anti-inflammatories for comfort.  Back on May 7, I had posted a blog update on Laddie and a corrective shoe our farrier was fitting on his left hoof to help with the knee problem.

I said in that post, "...Laddie is a case where every week we assess his quality of life. These amazing animals can be so stoic that it is hard sometimes to tell just how much pain they're in and whether it's time to make the ultimate decision.  We only get one chance to get it right, and we sure don't want to make it too soon ... or wait too late."

Alayne was taking Laddie and his buddy blind Shasta out to pasture Saturday morning when she noticed Laddie walking with more effort -- his left leg seemed stiff and bowed out to the side a bit.  We upped his dose of the anti-inflammatory, but it didn't seem to make much difference.  Over the weekend he didn't wander around the pasture to graze very much and began hanging out in the same spot, a sure sign that it was painful to walk.  Shasta, ever the faithful friend, stood right by him. 

When I examined Laddie again yesterday, his knee was more swollen than usual, puffy with fluid.  When I made him walk so I could watch his gait, he was so stiff he was almost walking as if he had a peg-leg.  His knee barely flexed.  Worse, now he was dragging his front left hoof.  Oh, no.  When he wasn't walking, he stood still, eyes half-closed, looking miserable. 

I took Alayne out to see him and show her the changes I was seeing.  We both realized the time had come.  I called our equine vet, Dr. Erin Taylor, and asked if she could come out today.

Back in May, Erin thought we could buy some more time for Laddie with the corrective shoeing.  Today, she saw the continued deterioration in his knee and agreed that there was nothing more we could do for him.  It was time to let this wonderful boy go.

This one really hurt, because Laddie was the sweetest, gentlest, nicest horse we have ever known.  Truly.  We adored him.  He was a once-in-a-lifetime horse.  To make this even more tragic, he was also relatively young (only in his late teens) and otherwise very healthy.  Except for that blown-out knee, he looked great.

Alayne took the photo at the top of this post just after Erin had sedated him but before she injected the euthanasia drug.  At that point, we were saying goodbye to this gentle soul.  Fortunately, you can't see the tears running down my face.  Less than a minute later, Laddie was gone:

While I was bent over Laddie, Erin said to me, "This was the right decision at the right time."  And I knew that was the case, but it doesn't do anything to help with the grief.

And then, in an end-of-life ritual that Erin started us doing last year to help these closely-bonded horses understand that their friend is gone, Alayne brought Shasta over to say goodbye to Laddie:

We will be pairing Shasta up with another of our blind horses this week.  I buried Laddie this afternoon here on the ranch. 

Goodbye, you sweet boy.  We love you.

--

One final note:  Lots of people have forwarded to us in the past couple of months the story of "Molly the Amazing Pony," who was outfitted with an artificial leg at LSU's veterinary teaching hospital.  So in case you're wondering why we didn't try something similar with Laddie:  Molly was a very small pony, not a full-sized 1,000-lb horse, and her prosthetic device was fitted below the knee.  Laddie's problem was his knee.  A prosthesis was not an option for him.  We only wish it were.

Comments

[Priscilla Smith]

Goodbye Laddie. You are at peace now. Shasta, I hope you find a new friend soon.

[Miranda]

My deepest condolences on the loss of your beloved Laddie. Thank you for sharing the photos.

[Wendy]

You will be missed Laddie!!

[Boundforglory]

I am deeply sorry to hear about Laddie's passing. You and Alayne have a faithful, loving, support group who hold you during these difficult times of loss.
Part of your support group holds a true treasure...Dr. Taylor. Thank you for your comforting comment to Steve as Laddie's soul had left his body.
You are all so amazing and you've made an irreversible impact in the lives of many animals (and people).
Sending comfort and love to you; Alayne and Shasta.
Rest peacefully sweet Laddie; you will always be loved.

[Mary Young]

Dear Steve & Alayne, we are so sorry about Laddie. Hope the care & love of all your friends across the world will help you through your grief. I wish I could have met Laddie, I know he must have been a very special boy.

[Debbie]

Steve and Alayne,
I missed this blog yesterday as I was working out of town, and today my heart is going out to you both and your staff. Laddie was such a beauty, I am so very sorry for your loss. He is out of pain now, as hard as it is for you, you did the right thing.

Take Care,

Debbie B.

[Nancy in NJ]

Dear Alayne and Steve--My thoughts and prayers are with you.

[Janet]

My heart goes out to you for your loss of Laddie. I had to put my beloved Vanna White to sleep yesterday and so I know the terrible heartache. She was totally healthy from the waist to her head but her hind end neurological disorder had deteriorated to the point she could no longer have a bowel movement by herself. We did "manual poop extractions" until the system just shut down and there was nothing more that could be done. And yet she was still vibrant and playful and happy and a chow hound to the end. She was the most wonderful dog ever and as you said about Laddie--one in a lifetime. The house is so very empty and lonely. The only comfort is to know that grief for the loss of a pet is shared and understood by others like you and the realization that we have been privileged to know such angelic creatures. You are in my thoughts and prayers!

[Barbara Arenal]

Steve & Alayne-I am so saddened to read of Laddies passing. Again, you have had to make the most difficult decision in life, and you uphold such compassion, and wisdom, and mercy, each time you are faced with this heartwrenching duty. In all my life, I have never known anyone with such loving hearts and strength of character as you two. Thru my tears, I send you my hope and prayers to ease your grief, and help you find solace in the memories of such a Treasured horse/friend. The pictures you shared really said it all.... every animal life is deserving of a dignified passing, in the company of those who love them most! God Bless you. Many hugs, Barbara (& Joe)

[Colleen - San Antonio TX]

As I read this with tears streaming I am filled with grief for you, Alayne, Shasta & all your animal family. Thank you for sharing this with us with such beautiful pictures especially the one with Shasta. You all help me to always remember that every single moment counts & to never take any time we have for granted. Our pets are our family & a significant part of our lives. I admire you all so much for what you do every single day. I know each loss is heartbreaking for you but that just shows me what beautiful people you are & how very lucky all of these animals are to be with you each moment of their lives. You all have become so much a part of my daily life. Thank you for the beautiful, happy life that you gave to Laddie & know that she is now running & playing in the beautiful sunshine & green grass & will be waiting at Rainbow Bridge. God's blessings & comfort to all of you.

[Clay]

Every time I read one of these sad posts, I start tearing up. I can only imagine what it's like for you. Rest in Peace Laddie.

[Linda]

It never gets any easier. You are all in my thoughts and prayers. Thank you for giving Laddie such a wonderful life for as long as you could. I hope Shasta can find another buddy to help him over this loss.

[Suzanne]

Know that we are crying with you. While we cannot fully understand your loss, you bring these animals to life in the stories you share and they touch us. God bless you all. God bless Laddie. Perhaps he is somewhere playing with Scout and Lonesome George and the others today.

[Janet in Cambridge]

RIP, sweet Laddie. Your sweetness will linger always.

In humans as in animals, below-the-knee amputations are much better candidates for prosthetics. It is interesting to note that a horse at Best Friends in Utah, Riley, recently had a below-the-knee amputation and so far has successfully accepted her prosthetic. (Read about her ongoing recovery starting at https://www.bestfriends.org/guardianangel/index.cfm?csid=3465&csii=3469&csit=Set&entry=5CAAF30E-19B9-B9D5-9D37590D1EFE7303)

[Susan]

I am so sorry for your loss. You did everything you could and I know Laddie had a wonderful life at your ranch.

[Jamie]

How do you do it? You give every animal your all, your hearts get broken over and over, and yet you are able to grieve, find perspective, move on and refocus on what remains. Your example teaches me so much about how to accept the fact that life is uncertain and to find joy in what I have today. Thank you for that. And God be with you as you say goodbye to Laddie.

[Chris Benton]

I am so sorry to hear about Laddie. My 25 year Quarter Horse, Strider also has a very arthritic knee and I dread the day that I will have to make this descsion. Just for your info-chech out Best Friends Guardian Angles, Riely. She is a full size horse that was fitted with a artifical leg above the hock - rear leg. I can't believe the amazing things that are available for horeses now. Once again my thougts and prayers are with you both. Here is my experience with putting my beautiful dog Tanner to sleep two weeks ago. It never gets easier.

Moments

Lives are made of years, months, weeks, days, hours, minutes, seconds, relentlessly ticking away. Moment by moment, strung together equals the sum of what and who we are- moment by moment. I am sitting here on this cold tile floor trying with all my might to stop that enemy called time. You are lying next to me, panting nervously- you never did like this place. This is the moment that I have been dreading from the first time I saw you. Oh it was a fleeting thought while you where young and full of energy just a slight shadow that intruded every now and then, someday, someday… Then one day that shadow became a fear as I noticed the grey on your muzzle and realized that time had been marching on and our moments together were precious not to be wasted. Today that fear became a reality.

I am crying as the vet comes in to give you a sedative. Jim, has been talking about what a great life you have had, all the hikes, runs, camping trips-he stops abruptly and stares at the ceiling. The vet gives you a shot and tells us that this will help calm you down and make you sleepy. We know,we have been through this twice already in the last year. Jim feeds you dog biscuits which you gobble up. You lick away my tears and lay your head down with a sigh. I am sobbing now, burying my face in your furry neck I feel each breath you take. The vet comes back in the room; I hear the clipper buzz as she shaves off a spot on your hind leg. I take a quick glance and see that she is about to administer the shot. I hold on to you, to this moment your last and my first with out you. I feel your last breath and still I hold on. But time stops for no one and the next moment pushes its way into life and you are gone.

Tanner – May 23, 1996-July 3, 2008

Chris Benton

[Peggy Fields]

I read your blog through tears this morning. My heart goes out to you both and Shasta for your very big loss. The pictures were heartbreaking, the love very visible. Looking for words of solace, I turned this morning to one of my favorite books "Animal Blessings" that had a prayer by Margaret Anne Huffman that seemed very appropriate for Laddie.
"Farewell, Old Friend"
Thank you for your hand on the shovel, Lord, for it's nearly impossible to dig an old friend's grave through tears. As we lay him to rest, we feel his great spirit, healthy, whole, and spry once more, moseying contentedly along beloved paths. Our memories will always know we have have been improved by our life together. Come next spring, there will be tender, lush grass or perhaps a trailing flower or two, on the healing grave, spread as gently as only you and Mother Nature can do when given a little time-and friends' tears that fall like gentle, remembering rain.

Pet Shasta for me.

[Benita]

I am SO sorry about Laddie....very hard to read about him this morning. Thank you so much for giving him a good life. You guys are wonderful and I'm sure it's so hard this year.

[Rosemary Furnell]

I'm so very very sorry for your loss of Laddie. What a beautiful horse he was. Just be proud that you gave him the best years he could have had at the ranch. And he'll be waiting at the Rainbow Bridge. I truly hope Shasta will find a new friend, to take the pain away for her as well. God bless you both.

[Kathie]

My heart aches for you and Shasta. I know how very much you will miss Laddie.

[ginger & Tobias (the greythound)]

I hope you & Alayne will find some comfort in knowing how much you've helped Laddie by giving him so much love, care & compassion over the years. It's because of you that he had such a great quality of life. I send you special thoughts during this time of your grief.
With special hugs,
ginger, Tobias & Tlingit

[Debbie]

Words are cold comfort at a time like this...but I want you to know we are all grieving with you. You gave him the best care he could possibly have had....and you did the right thing at the right time. So sorry for your loss.

[Carla Polastro-Nigro]

Dear Steve & Alayne, you cannot see the tears streaming down my cheeks,either.

As you know, on June 16 I lost my beloved mare, Fumosa, who was 27. That is why I can feel your sorrow over Laddie's death: because we are all grieving the loss of cherished members of our families.

I'm sure Fumosa was at the Rainbow Bridge to welcome Laddie and they're now running around the fields of heaven together, kicking up their heels, and prancing in sheer exuberance.

A huge hug to you and Shasta from Italy.

[Jessica, NL]

Alayne and Steve, thinking of you and of Shasta... Thank you for the pictures, especially the one where he has gone on and the special one with Shasta at his side. Somehow seeing him lie down makes the story complete (maybe that is the same for Shasta too?).

Thank you Carolyn, for the thought that our loved ones have their own script, that is so true.