We Lost Pappy Today

Our beloved old German Shepherd, Pappy, died this morning.  We had taken Pappy to the vet clinic a couple of weeks ago for treatment of a lingering growth on his leg; it was benign but something he kept licking and making worse.  Before he went to the clinic, he had been going through his ups and downs, as old dogs do.  Some days were good -- he could get up and down on his own, and he could walk around, albeit stiffly.  Other days weren't so good, and then he needed help getting up and walking.  Yet he always rebounded.

But in the week since he came home, Pappy had deteriorated.  He became more and more feeble, and could no longer get up at all on his own.  Alayne and I would have to walk him ourselves, one of us holding his shoulder harness and the other with a towel or strap under his hips.  He had been incontinent for quite a while, so we were used to frequently changing his bedding throughout the day.  Now that he wasn't able to get up on his own, though, we had to lift him to change his bedding and turn him from one side to the other.

Yet he still had a good appetite, he seemed interested in what was going on around him, and he loved to lie on his bed on the living room floor and watch everything with his big brown eyes.

Alayne and I kept thinking he would rebound any day.  But the rebound never came.

Pappy had come to us several years ago from a rescue group in Seeley Lake, Montana.  He was old, he was emaciated, he looked miserable, and a vet had said he probably had cancer.  We agreed to take him, thinking he was a hospice case.  We soon found out he had a dislocated hip, and he had been living with the ball outside the socket -- with bone grinding on bone with every step he took -- for months if not years.  No wonder he looked like he wanted to die.  The pain must have been excruciating.

A few days after arriving at the ranch, Pappy had surgery on his hip, and we had a new dog.  You can read his original story on our Web site here.

Pappy became our faithful side-kick, following us everywhere on the ranch.  Morning and evening, he followed us from barn to barn as we did chores.  He never let us out of his sight.  His motto seemed to be, "You are my sheep, I am your Shepherd."   

What he loved most of all was riding in the truck.  Oh, he loved that back seat, which we folded down flat and filled with dog bedding.  He went with me everywhere, sitting up and looking out the windows as we cruised down the highway or ran errands in Missoula.  He even just liked to sit in the truck as we drove around the ranch, moving supplies or hauling water.  Whenever I'd reach for the truck keys, Pappy would spring up and head for the door.  We might be in the truck for eight hours in Missoula, eventually get home, and he wouldn't want to get out.  I'd have to drag him out of the back seat! 

His favorite stop in Missoula was the Good Food Store, where I'd always buy some fresh oatmeal cookies after grocery shopping.  Pappy and I would munch our oatmeal cookies on the 60-mile drive back to the ranch.

In July 2005 Pappy was hit by a bad case of pneumonia and landed in the vet hospital in Helena.  After days of intensive care, he was finally ready to come home when disaster struck.  He suddenly came down with meningitis.  Meningitis can often be fatal, especially in old dogs, but to come down with it in the same week he also had pneumonia?  Our vets put the chances of him surviving at 20%.  We were devastated.  Yet thanks to incredible medical care and his own inner strength, Pappy survived.  He became the inspiration for Pappy's Fund, our emergency medical fund.

About a year ago, when Pappy became incontinent, I had to start leaving him behind when I drove to town.  It broke his heart and mine, too.  He would look at me forlornly as I headed out the door without him.  Pappy would stand in the living room and look out the window, watching as I drove off.  I felt awful.  Yes, he would forgive me, but only if I arrived back home with a bag of fresh oatmeal cookies for him from the Good Food Store.  I'd walk into the house, his big ears would go straight up with an expectant look on his face, and I'd march over and give him my peace offering.

All of this was going through our minds this week as we kept watch over Pappy, hoping that he would spring back.  But by Tuesday Pappy could no longer sit up on his own, so we had to prop him up to eat.  Yesterday was worse, and he wouldn't let us even prop him up.  By yesterday evening he wasn't interested in eating.  We knew the time had come.  Alayne and I cried a lot last night, hovering over this old Shepherd who had given us so much love and devotion.

This morning we loaded Pappy into the back seat of the truck, his favorite spot, for his final ride.

At the vet clinic in Helena, our primary care vet, Dr. Brenda Culver, came out to the truck.  I sat in the back seat with Pappy, stroking his big ears and holding his big paws in my hand.  He looked and felt so peaceful ... the only thing moving were his eyes.  And then suddenly his eyes were still, and I knew he was gone. 

Goodbye, our special boy.

We love you, Pappy.  We always will.

(Click on photos for larger image.)

Comments

[Jeremy]

Thank you for your care of these sweet animals. I am so sorry for your loss of Pappy.
It surely enobles us as humans when we treat them with love and dignity. We just lost our dear cat Emily just shy of her 17th year. She was truly a gentle creature without a mean bone in her body, but had severe thyroid problems that led to heart trouble and strokes. She recovered from the first stroke well, but the second was very hard on her. Finally the third stroke and we knew what we had to do. It was unfair for her to suffer on for a few more weeks when she had such a good life. I still miss her every day.
Thank you again for your efforts, and I appreciate your love for animals very much.

Jeremy

[Jessica, NL]

*snif* so far I only read the stories in the other sections, so I thought Spirit and Pappy were still with us... but they are whole and healthy again now.
Just today I read a story about a rescue rattie who had gone on to guide other rats to his sanctuary.
With these two and the others "up there" be sure to become the destiny of many soon-to-be-happy animal friends.....!

[Mark]

God has blessed the two of you with the time Pappy shared with you. I am sure that in that big Montana sky when ever a lone cloud flies above, Pappy will be on it looking down, forever grateful of all the Ranch has done for him. Rest In Peace Pappy. You have touched many lives in such a positive manner - mine included. Thank you for sharing Pappy with us.

[Pam]

Iam new to your website and Iam so glad that I signed up! Iam really, really saddened by Pappy's loss of life. He looked like such a great guy! And happy too! I'm sure he will be missed deeply. I will pray for him in the heavens.

[Jeana]

I am so sorry to hear about Pappy. He is in a better place and free of pain. He will always be in your hearts, and I invision him running the ranch being the protector. God Bless you and the work you do, you are true Guardians of animals.

[Brittany]

I'm so sorry for your loss. After reading about Pappy passing away, I just broke down. You two gave him such a good life, and I'm sure he appreciated everything you did for him. Just remeber, that he will soon be reunited with you on the Rainbow Bridge. :)

[Rita]

He finally got the life he deserved. Aren't animals wonderful. They don't expect much and give so much in return. Wish they had more time here with us.

[Mandy; Laramie, WY]

I know Pappy meant so much to both of you and was such a special dog. I'm so sorry.

[Bill]

I have no doubt that after crossing the Rainbow Bridge, Pappy is enjoying his new life, painfree and happy. Please remember that one day, you will see Pappy again as he comes running across the Rainbow Bridge to romp with his old friend.

[Bill Westerman]

The two of you are so awesome with what all you did for Pappy. I know he appreciated all you did. It is so wonderful that you were patient and assited him so much all the way to the end. It takes special people to appreciate our four legged fellow travelers on Earth.

[kim]

I am so very sorry to hear about your loss. Pappy certainly was a fighter & lived a long happy life in the beautiful countryside of Montana. He was blessed to have been found by you...or maybe he found you. Many times we think of it as: we get pets, we rescue & save animals, but to tell you the truth, I think it is they, who actually save us. Pappy has touched those who spent their days side-by-side with him, as well as those who may have never met him. He will truly be missed.

[Laura Whale]

I remember the very first time I came out to volunteer and there was Pappy to greet me and follow us around while I was shown what needed to be done. He also was there to say goodbye and perphaps say thanks for stopping by!! He will be greatly missed. Dogs live in the moment and he had the greatest moments of all with you guys.

[m]

It seems as though many other people have already expressed their sympathy very eloquently, but I wanted to echo the above sentiments. I am so sorry for your loss. I miss my 2 wonderful cats whom I lost 1 and 2 years ago (at 18 and 19; I picked them out when I was 8 months old...)every single day, and I feel lonely off at school and thousands of miles from home wo the rest of my animal crew (who are at home with my parents.)
I just heard about your website, and i love to read about all your courageous and amazing cats, horses, and dogs. What you do for the animals, and for the public in sharing the stories, is very special.
Goodbye Pappy (and my Beauty and Beast.) You are very much loved and will be missed.

[Rhiannon]

omg that is soo sadd im lik cyring now..myy dog got put down because he was old and couldnt walk he had loved riding in the back seat of the car his last trip was to the vet :( jst before he got put down i kissed him and then his eyes slowly closed and then he stopped breathing it was so sad i was crying like i have never before, he was my first dog, he was a red doberman named prince he was huge! i loved him so much i know how you feel and i want to do what you do now i love the idea of helping animals
xOx Rhiannon..
ps im only 13 so i have a long way to go :P

[Heather]

Thank you for giving Pappy and the many other animals you give life and love to. You are both angels, and rest assured, Pappy is waiting for you on the otherside.

[Nina]

My heart goes out to you both for the loss of Pappy. Your tribute to him shows your endless love and compassion. It is touching to read of the way that you released him to cross the rainbow bridge in your truck. Thanks for sharing your precious memories and photos of Pappy.

[Chris Benton]

It was very sad to hear about Pappy. I have just gone through this with my 5 year old Shiloh Shepherd Jocko. My husband and I released him from his pain two weeks ago. It was very hard but there was a peace knowing that we did the right thing. Here is a little poem that was sent to me. I know that our loved fur friends with always be with us in our hearts and memories.

We Have A Secret

We have a secret, you and I
that no one else shall know,
for who but I can see you lie
each night in fire glow?

And who but I can reach my hand
before we go to bed
and feel the living warmth of you
and touch your silken head?

And only I walk woodland paths
and see ahead of me,
your black form racing with the wind
so young again, and free.

And only I can see you swim
in every brook I pass
and when I call, no one but I
can see the bending grass.

Author Unknown

[Sabrina]

I'm just finishing reading about the good 'ol boy...you always do so much for the older kids, I know Dr. Mooers will be very upset, she still talks about the amount of hair she brushed out of him that day we came to visit! I know I speak for the clinic when I say ALL our hearts our with you.....Sabrina

[Vicky Pauli]

I am so sorry, you two have had a hard week, but all these animalis know they were loved to the end, I read your story and was crying, I put my shepherd down yrs ago, but it still hurts. Keep up the good work, you two are really special.

[Leigh]

Sweet Pappy you will be forever in all of our hearts. Steve and Alayne you are the best. The love and kindness you have in your hearts is neverending. I can think of no better way for Pappy to leave this world than in his back seat with Steve. I will miss you Pappy and I never even met you. May there be lots of oatmeal cookies at the bridge for you.

[Elaine Miller]

Dear Steve & Alayne, I am so sorry to hear your special Pappy passed,my heart is breaking for your loss.I know he is in a better place now and I send you both my prayers and love that your grief may be softened by time and knowing that you gave Pappy so much love and life that he would've never had without both of you and the RDR.Spirit was there to greet him along with so many others who are just waiting til the day they can see us again.I have 4 precious cats and 1 dog who I love so much and I know someday they too will cross the bridge,but until then I love them everyday and pray for those who have already passed.God Bless you both and know that Pappy was blessed too.

[Roz]

Goodbye, Sweet Pappy. You will be missed terribly. I'm glad Steve and Alayne were able to take care of you and gave you all the best in love and care.

[Tracye]

To sum it up - you both gave him the BEST last years of his life. And you were with him at the end - he knew he was loved and a lot of animals out there don't have that. I feel your grief.

[ginger & Tobias (the greythound)]

I have tears rolling down my face as I write this. Try to take comfort in knowing that you rescued Pappy & gave him a quality of life that he would not have had without you. He's now pain free, running & shepherding others because you were wise & let him go. Animals teach us so much, & one of those lessons is that no matter how much it hurts to say good-bye, we have to love with all of our heart. Otherwise, we've lost out on a great opportunity for a great experience that will forever enrich us & continue to give back to us. Pappy lives on in your hearts, so he'll always be with you. I wish I could hug you both, & tell you how sorry I am that you're going through this loss. Bless you for all that you've done for this angel on earth.
With hugs of sympathy,
ginger & Tobias

[Debbie Burke]

Oh Steve and Alayne, I'm so sorry about dear old Pappy. He was such a brave, faithful guy. First time I met him, he was in your truck...just in case you needed him to go somewhere with you. I remember him limping along with us as we walked out to the barn or to bring the horses in from pasture. You gave him a life filled with purpose and love and pulled him back from the brink when he had pneumonia and meningitis. You gave him so much love that he HAD to recover, when no one thought he could.
He was always one of my favorites and my heart shares your loss. He had a long wonderful life because of you.

[KCBORRS]

You made such a difference in Pappy's world and how wonderful knowing he went peacefully and with you there stroking his ears and paws. I am truly sorry for your loss.

[christine]

Rest in peace, Pappy. You were most definitely loved in your later years. I am hoping that fact made up for whatever happened to you previously. Say hello to my little Oscar at the bridge!

[Nicci Bennett]

I am so so sorry to hear about Pappy. I hope Spirit and Pappy are watching over you all right now. No matter if we have them for 2 days, 2 wees or 20 years, it hurts all the same when they leave us. We are praying for you all. Glenn and Nicci

[Miranda]

I'm crying for a dog I never met and people I never met and yet it still feels as if I was there.
what a great dog! I'm soooooo sorry. Blessings, Miranda

[Leilani]

I held my tears back until I reached your last comments, Steve.
I'm so sorry you and Alayne lost your devoted friend. He sounded especially close to you, Steve.
He is God's Shepherd now; loved adored as he was at the ranch.
My thoughts are with you during this diffult time of loss and remembrance.

[Amy]

That brought tears to my eyes. Thank god Pappy lived his final years with you guys.

[Jim]

Steve and Alayne,

Diane and I are heartbroken over the loss of Pappy. He's been a big part of the Ranch and I know your lives. Please accept out sincerest sympathies and prayers.

[Cathy]

What a sweet soul. Pappy is still your shepherd; he's just doing his shepherding from the Rainbow Bridge now. I'm sure you'll feel those big brown eyes watching you every now and then. The time we have with our animal companions is such a gift and part of how we can repay their love and loyalty is to allow them to go when they tell us it's time, no matter how difficult it is to say goodbye to their physical presence. Pappy was blessed to have had your love and care and no doubt he returns the love even now. I'm sorry you're going through this pain.

[kimmer]

My tears are still drying...what a lovely story so befitting of the boy who loved his time on earth with you and Alayne. My heart goes out to you both as once again the death of a dear friend touches your hearts...and all of ours. Thanks for all you do!!!

[Kari]

Note to self: Read RDR blogs only in complete solitude! I had to stop reading about Pappy during my students' break this morning for fear of losing my composure upon resumption of class! What a wonderful, humane, beautiful life he had with you! What a glorious story book could be written with Pappy and others as the characters - kids would love it! The care you give these creatures is the care I strive to give the animals I am privileged to care for. That is labor of love for a lifetime. Here's to you and to your beloved Pappy.

[Shannon]

Oh, my heart just breaks reading about Pappy. There is peace in knowing he had some wonderful years with people who truly loved him. May your spirits be lifted knowing you "did right by Pappy" by allowing him to rest in peace when he could no longer "live life".

[danielle]

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. I've enjoyed the Pappy stories. Thank you again for everything you do for these special kids.

[Starla Renee']

My heart breaks for you as I have a lab/german mix that follows me all over. And his favorite thing to do is ride in the car with me...he will stay in there until night fall waiting on me to come back and go more. He will be 11 this yr. He has had a rough life until I rescued him. Best dog ever and as i read this, I know my day will come when I have to drive off and watch him in the window also. May he watch over you from the bridge. Thank you for taking care of this old man...I love him just from the picture :-( RIP Pappy