We Lost Kodiak Today
We put Kodiak to sleep today. He let us know he was ready.
He had not improved overnight at all. In fact, he couldn't even raise his head up this morning. He hadn't been sternal (i.e., able to sit up on his chest and front legs) since yesterday morning, and he still couldn't sit up. We tried again to get him sternal but he'd immediately fall back over. I held his head up so he could drink, but he didn't want any water. He wouldn't eat. Kodiak had barely peed during the night ... and usually there's a lot of urine in the morning. He hadn't pooped in 24 hours. It's as if his body was shutting down. His left front leg was still limp and lifeless.
I called our specialist in Missoula, Dr. Dave Bostwick, to let him know we were bringing Kodiak in. Then Alayne and I carefully moved Kodiak onto our animal stretcher and loaded him into the truck. I headed into Missoula to see if Dave thought there was anything we could do for him.
Dave found that Kodiak had now lost all deep pain sensation in his hind legs, as well as in his newly paralyzed left front leg. Dave said the inability to get sternal, to hold his head up, the sudden loss of his front leg ... all that pointed to ascending myelomalacia, in which the spinal cord turns to jelly.
It's called 'ascending' because the process is moving up the spinal cord towards the brain from the point of injury or trauma, as opposed to 'descending' myelomalacia, where it is moving down the spinal cord. In Kodiak's case, given the complete loss of his hind legs now, it's also possible the myelomalacia was progressing in both directions. Dave said there was nothing we could do at this point.
I told Dave I was ready to let him go. I knew that this time Kodiak was ready to go, too. He wasn't ready the last two times we faced this decision, but today was different. He was letting us know.
I held this big old boy's head in my hands and kissed him while Dave was putting him to sleep. I told him how much we loved him, and how sorry I was that we couldn't do anything more for him. And then he slipped away.
I know Kodiak was loved more in the month we had him than he had been in his entire life. He had more people caring for him than he ever had before. To all of you who have posted such wonderful thoughts and comments about this special boy, thank you from the bottom of our hearts.
This is how I hope you'll remember him ... a smiling, happy Kodiak on his first evening at the ranch. It was August 11 when we took this photo of him.
We're having his body cremated and his ashes brought back to the ranch. He'll be in our hearts forever.
Bless you, Kodiak. We love you.
I am so sorry to hear about Kodiak. I stumbled onto your site when I was conducting a search on ascending myelomalacia tonight. The reason for my search: we had to put my dog, Peanut, to sleep today, Sept. 23, 2005 for the same ailment. It was very hard to watch her decline. I understand your loss.
My prayers are with you and your ranch.
Posted by: Tina Thompson | September 23, 2005 at 07:39 PM
It is so sad to hear of Kodiak's death. He experienced such deep love and kindness from you two amazing souls. If only the world was filled with people like you. Thank you for taking such good care of everyone on the "Rolling Dog Ranch". It must be a little bit like heaven there. And Bless you Kodiak. May your journey be sweet.
Posted by: Whizzy | September 08, 2005 at 04:47 PM
Kodiak will be forever in our hearts. He embodies everything that is so special about what you have created at Rolling Dog Ranch.
Posted by: Leigh | September 08, 2005 at 01:47 PM
I am so sad to hear about your loss. I bet that was extremely hard to let him go, but you had to do it.
My thoughts are with you.
Posted by: Mandy, Laramie, WY | September 08, 2005 at 08:21 AM
I recently found this web site and just learned about Kodiak"s story in the last few weeks! I sympathize greatly for your loss of a loving, beautiful spirit. I'm sure he was greatful for those who loved him and gave him the experience of "Life's Love" Thank you for sharing your experiences! We appreciate your dedication!
Posted by: Tonya Broers | September 07, 2005 at 10:34 PM
Dear Steve and Alayne, You gave Kodiak every possible chance and went the extra mile for him. The expression on his face shows what your boundless love and care did for him. He was a happy dog.
Posted by: Debbie, Kalispell | September 07, 2005 at 09:05 PM
Ohhhhhhh, so very sorry. What a beautiful boy who caught so many hearts when he came to live with his new family. So much love and care, and he knew it, smiling on his porch. Thank you Alayne & Steve.
Posted by: Jean/Nevada | September 07, 2005 at 08:04 PM
Ah, he will be truly missed, remember the cycle of life never ends. Humans go through the cycle of life, and animals are the cycle of life. Animals teach us so many things, loyalty, companionship, friendship. Animals have no regrets, no sins, no evil. They run through the tunnel of light and are happy to be back home.
This beautiful malamute, Kodiak was a champion to us all and touched many hearts, thanks to you all at the ranch, he was able to be loved and passed in peace.
Posted by: Karen SA/TX | September 07, 2005 at 07:47 PM
I am so sorry for your loss. You two do such wonderful work. My heart goes out to you.
Posted by: Jacque | September 07, 2005 at 06:21 PM
I'm so sorry to hear that it was Kodiak's time to go but I am very glad he got to spend quality time with you at the ranch as he got to know he was truly loved. I won't forget him.
Posted by: Roz | September 07, 2005 at 05:21 PM